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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below gives information about population of over 69-year-olds in six regions in 2000 and the predicted numbers of population over 60 in 2050. It also shows the world population over 60 in 2000 and 2050. Summarise the information in the following three table and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information about population of over 69-year-olds in six regions in 2000 and the predicted numbers of population over 60 in 2050. It also shows the world population over 60 in 2000 and 2050. Summarise the information in the following three table and make comparisons where relevant.
The table illustrates data regarding the
world
Use synonyms
 population
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and how much each continent constitutes.
Overall
Linking Words
, Asians are the largest group of people
within
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
world
Use synonyms
, followed by Africans in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
years. Looking at the table with more focus, it showed that the
world
Use synonyms
 population reached 2.5 billion in 1950, with 56% percentage of them
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 Asian.
Additionally
Linking Words
, 22% are European, and 9% of the total are African.
However
Linking Words
, that changed slightly in 2000, as the
world
Use synonyms
 population jumped to 6 billion. Asian's proportion rose to 60%,
similarly
Linking Words
, Africans
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
reached 13%. But
European
Correct article usage
the European
show examples
 number declined dramatically to 12%. In the future, the total number of people is
excepted
Verb problem
expected
show examples
 to reach 9 billion with many.
Asian
Replace the word
Asians
show examples
 will keep the title of the largest group with 59% of the total,
correspondingly
Replace the word
corresponding
show examples
 to
African
Fix the agreement mistake
Africans
show examples
 as they
estimated
Verb problem
are estimated
show examples
noteably
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to consist
20%of
Change preposition
of 20%of
show examples
 the
world
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 Europeans will fall with only 7%.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, other groups as Latin Americans are accounted for 6% in 1950, as that number
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 one percentage
in
Check wording
point in
show examples
 2000, and it will remain identical in 2050.
Likewise
Linking Words
, North Americans reached 7% in 1950;
then
Linking Words
 it dropped to 5% in 2000, and it was expected to drop even
further
Linking Words
 to 4%. Oceania residents
Linking Words
on
Punctuation problem
, on
show examples
 the other hand , were only under 1% in 1950, and 1% in 2000 and predicted to
unchanged
Verb problem
remain unchanged
show examples
 in 2050.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words world with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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