IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people nowadays visit well-known places to take photographs of themselves, without looking at the place. Why do you think this happen? Is it a positive or negative trend?

Nowadays, some
people
Use synonyms
 visit famous areas just to take pictures of themselves with the site.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
this
Linking Words
 topic,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
explain why it happens, and whether it is a good phenomenon or not.
People
Use synonyms
 have started to care more
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the pictures
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 well-known sites than to enjoy the place itself.
This
Linking Words
 happens because
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they want to show their friends how rich they are, which can lead to
to
Change preposition
apply
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the desire
of gaining
Change preposition
to gain
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 views and likes
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media. These types of
lusts
Fix the agreement mistake
lust
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 are
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
 of the parents' lack of love
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their children, or if no one
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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and
admire
Correct subject-verb agreement
admires
show examples
 them throughout their life.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent study from the BBC
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 found
out
Change preposition
apply
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that the desire to gain
attention
Use synonyms
 in social media, or to brag about wealth,
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the result of deficient communication or insufficient love from parents. I think that concentrating on photography more than the place
it self
Use the right word
itself
show examples
 is a negative thing as it makes
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 slaves
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their desires,
in addition
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 that it make them
seeking
Wrong verb form
seek
show examples
attention
Use synonyms
 in unusual ways.
For example
Linking Words
, many celebrities
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media try crazy experiments, like visiting cannibalism tribes in Africa, or climbing the Everest
mountains
Check wording
apply
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just to get views and
attention
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, focusing on taking photos just to share
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 with
people
Use synonyms
 rather than enjoying the site that you are visiting is a negative characteristic, as it result of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
insufficient
caring
Replace the word
care
show examples
 from parents,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
improper communication and environment. These conditions can
also
Linking Words
 make the child grow to become an
Use synonyms
attention's
Check wording
attention
show examples
 seeker,
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
 will do anything strange just to gain the focus of
people
Use synonyms
.

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task
State your view clearly in the intro and keep it to one side in the whole essay. Do not move to many strong ideas at once.
coherence
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'but', and 'therefore'.
coherence
Choose ideas that fit the task and avoid off topic or very strong examples that do not help your point.
language
Use short, plain sentences. Check grammar and word form. Use common words only.
language
Avoid repeating phrases. Check spelling and punctuation. Use fewer long sentences.
content
The essay shows a view on the topic and a big line of idea.
structure
There is a basic shape of essay with an introduction, body and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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