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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart and table illustrate the
water
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 in three sectors of the whole world from 1900 to 2000
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the difference
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 consumption in two countries in 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, agriculture
account
Correct subject-verb agreement
accounts
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 for the highest in global
water
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest in
water
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 was domestic
use
Use synonyms
 between 1900 and 2000.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
water
Use synonyms
 consumption in Brazil was much greater than that in Congo. Looking at the line chart
first,
Linking Words
agriculture
Replace the word
agricultural
show examples
use
Use synonyms
 was about 500
km
Use synonyms
 in 1900 and increased rapidly and reached a peak at approximately 3000
km
Use synonyms
 in 2000.
By contrast
Linking Words
, industrial
use
Use synonyms
 and domestic
use
Use synonyms
 were almost 0
km
Use synonyms
 at the beginning and rose slightly to 1000
km
Use synonyms
 and 300
km
Use synonyms
, respectively. Turning to the table
Linking Words
then
Punctuation problem
, then
show examples
,
water
Use synonyms
 consumption in Brazil was 359 m per person, almost 40 times that of
Democratic
Correct article usage
the Democratic
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 Republic of Congo with 8 m,
while
Linking Words
 the population and irrigated
between
Check wording
area between
show examples
 Brazil and Congo were quite different, too.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, use, km with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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