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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The supplied pie chart above delineates the information about British emplyment pattern of both sex group in 1992

The supplied pie chart above delineates the information about British emplyment pattern of both sex group in 1992
The two pie charts illustrate the data regarding the British
employment
Use synonyms
 patterns of
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
 in 1992.
Overall
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the pie chart, the major difference in
employment
Use synonyms
 was between clerical or related and other manual.
While
Linking Words
 other professions match the same related percentages,
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
 1992,
males
Use synonyms
 had the largest share in other manual work, about 24%
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
in contrast
Linking Words
,
females
Use synonyms
 had 3%. Managerial and professional work stayed nearly the same for both genders, 36% of
males
Use synonyms
 and 29%
females
Use synonyms
. Both genders had the same share in craft or similar,
while
Linking Words
 general labourers were 1% and
females
Use synonyms
 2% respectively
,
Punctuation problem
. Females
show examples
females
Use synonyms
 dominated the clerical or related
employment
Use synonyms
, about 31%,
while
Linking Words
males
Use synonyms
 employed 6%, which is less than one-sixth of 31% of
females
Use synonyms
.There is no significant difference in other non-manual jobs. The
females
Use synonyms
 accounted for about 9%
while
Linking Words
 it was 6% in
males
Use synonyms
'
employment
Use synonyms
.
Difference
Correct article usage
The difference
show examples
 was minor in both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
genders.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, males, females with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • chart
  • show
  • men
  • women
  • work
  • employment
  • full-time
  • part-time
  • share
  • group
  • pattern
  • trend
  • difference
  • more
  • less
  • higher
  • lower
  • same
  • not in work
  • care
  • family
  • reason
  • cause
  • because
  • due to
  • therefore
  • however
  • but
  • and
  • also
  • than
  • job
  • not
  • in
  • on
  • for
  • with
  • about
  • this
  • that
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