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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie chart shows data on books borrowed during this period by category, while the line graph shows the number of books read in four distinct months of 2014 from four rural town libraries.

The pie chart shows data on books borrowed during this period by category, while the line graph shows the number of books read in four distinct months of 2014 from four rural town libraries.
The line graph gives the information about the number of
books
Use synonyms
 read by people who live in four rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 from four different libraries from June until September in 2014 ,
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart illustrates the percentages of different categories of
books
Use synonyms
 which borrowed by people in the same period.
Overall
Linking Words
,
It clearly
Rephrase
it
show examples
 can be seen that the number of
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
borrowed from the Sutton Wood
library
Use synonyms
 had
Correct article usage
a fluctuated
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fluctuated
Replace the word
fluctuating
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 trend,
while
Linking Words
 the
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
 of
West
Correct article usage
the West
show examples
 Eaton
library
Use synonyms
 and
Church
Correct article usage
the Church
show examples
 Mount
library
Use synonyms
 increased slightly.
However
Linking Words
, the Ryeslip
library
Use synonyms
 had
decreased
Correct article usage
a decreased
show examples
 path. Meanwhile, in the same period, the fiction
books
Use synonyms
 shared the biggest proportion compared to other types of
books
Use synonyms
. In June of 2014, the number
Change preposition
of book
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book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 borrowed from Sutton Wood
library
Use synonyms
 was 250 pcs,
then
Linking Words
 it increased slightly by 50
psc
Use the right word
pcs
show examples
 in July.
However
Linking Words
, it plummeted with only 100 pcs in August, after that it soared by 200 pcs in September.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the fiction
books
Use synonyms
 shared the biggest proportion with 43%, followed by the biography with 19%. Meanwhile, history and science shared the same
percentace
Correct your spelling
percentage
 with 14% in each.
In addition
Linking Words
, the self-help book had the lowest proportion
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 only 10%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books, library with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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