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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, children show less respect to elders. What are the causes of such behaviour? What can be done to address this situation?

Many
children
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 do not express proper respect towards their elders. There are multiple reasons behind
such
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 kind of
behavior
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behaviour
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and
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apply
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.
This
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 essay will discuss the causes first and
then
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 turn
into
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to
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 the probable solutions.
Kids
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 show
minimum
Correct word choice
minimal
show examples
respects
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respect
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 to the elders for many reasons.
Firstly
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,
parents
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have lackings
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lack the ability
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of giving
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to give
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 proper education to their child. They are busy with their own jobs
and
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, and
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 for
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this
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this,
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 they spend less time with their
kids
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.
Therefore
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,
children
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 are unable to learn how to show
respects
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respect
show examples
twords
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towards
 others, and what is the right
from
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form
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 of attitude. A study by MIT social
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
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 depicts that 57%
children
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 who have working
parents
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,
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apply
show examples
 are unaware of how to give respect to others
peoperly
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properly
 because
of
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apply
show examples
they did not learn it before from their
parents
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.
Secondly
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, teachers have an
importent
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important
 role
of
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in
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 teaching
eaticate
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etiquette
. In many
well reputated
Correct your spelling
well-reputed
 schools, they are only
focuses
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focused
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 on academic studies and ignore the social qualities
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for
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, for
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 example,
value
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the value
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 of good
behavior
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behaviour
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 or how to
respects
Wrong verb form
respect
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 the seniors and love the juniors. A survey done on the English medium schools in Dhaka illustrates that
,
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apply
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 those schools do not have any lessons of morality and ethics. For
thoes
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those
reasons
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reasons,
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children
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 are away from learning moral
values
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. There are some solutions to overcome these problems. At the
beging
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beginning
,
parents
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 can take some steps
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such
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, such
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 as
:
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apply
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telling educational stories before bed
of
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to
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 their child that can teach good
values
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 to their
kids
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. Research shows that
,
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apply
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 listing moral stories during childhood
creats
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creates
 a longer
emphasises
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emphasis
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and
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, and
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 if
parents
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 read
story
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stories
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for
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to
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 their
child
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children
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, they will
condiser
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consider
 them as positive learning in future.
Moreover
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,
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school
Correct article usage
the school
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 can arrange some classes about social
values
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 and involve the students to learn
values
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 through games. In Japan,
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school
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schools
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 arrange rewards for doing a good thing
in
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on
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weekly
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a weekly
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 basis and the student who
perform
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performs
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 best
get
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gets
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gift
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a gift
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 from
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school
Correct article usage
the school
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. In conclusion,
kids
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 show less respect to
the
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apply
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senior
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seniors
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due to
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 proper knowledge from their
parents
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 and teachers and
lack
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a lack
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 of proper practices. To solve
this
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, both
parents
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 and
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school
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the school
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 should make
aware the
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the kids aware
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kids
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 and provide proper
guideline
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guidelines
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 and care.

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content
Task response needs more clear and deep ideas. Say one cause per paragraph and give one strong solution for each. Add more detail to show you can think about the topic.
structure
Coherence and cohesion need better links. Use order that makes sense: intro, cause, solution, end. Use words that show how ideas are tied, like first, also, but, so, therefore.
structure
Intro and conclusion should be clear. The intro should tell what you will talk about. The conclusion should sum up the main point in one or two lines.
grammar
Language use needs control. Use simple, correct words. Fix common wrong words and spell errors. Check words like 'towards', 'proper', 'towards','respects'.
grammar
Grammar and word form need care. Watch verb form, plural, and articles. For example, 'a study by MIT social scientist' and 'because they did not learn it' are correct.
content
The idea of causes and solutions is clear.
content
The essay tries to use real examples from schools.
structure
There is a start and a close to the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Tradition
  • Cultural dynamics
  • Intergenerational relationships
  • Behavioral norms
  • Social cohesion
  • Technology-induced isolation
  • Role models
  • Etiquette
  • Institutional respect
  • Mutual understanding
What to do next:
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