Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both these point of views and give your opinion.

In recent years, people have argued

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

that working for multiple

companies

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all their life is better than working for one

company

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. Does loyalty outweigh working for different

companies

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? In

this

Linking Words

essay, I'll discuss both points and give my personal opinion

at the end

Linking Words

Firstly

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, most

companies

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are looking for loyal and faithful people

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apply

show examples

to stay working for them all their entire career. Because

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apply

show examples

when you retire from a

company

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, in order to receive the retirement

money

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, you must have worked 20 years for an organisation.

Furthermore

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, loyalty is so important because

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apply

show examples

some organisations are offering a high sum of

money

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for one to work for a

company

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all their entire career.

As a result

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, when you retire, they cut 60% of you're check, so let's say someone is getting 30,000$ each month, when he retires, he approximately gets 13,000$ every month without doing anything. Which is good for the long-term.

Secondly

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, working for different

companies

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is good in the short term.

For instance

Linking Words

, let's say someone is working for 3 different

companies

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, he's pay will significantly increase every year. But when he comes to retire, all three

companies

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will refuse to give him the retirement

money

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In addition

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, he'll need to work for 15-18 hours every day just to keep his job.

Moreover

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, working hard every day for multiple organisations, just so you don't retire.

To sum up

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, working for different

companies

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at the same time is better because you get an extremely high salary every month.

However

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, working for one

company

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is better in the end, because you get retirement

money

Use synonyms

turkeyali08

Nov 11, 2025

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structure

Make your main view clear in the last part and keep it in every part.

coherence

Use one main idea in each paragraph and link ideas with short words like and, but, so.

content

Give real, simple examples that fit the topic.

content

Check facts about money and retire usually, and avoid wrong claims.

language

Use short, clear sentences and check spell and grammar.

task

Shows both sides and a try to give a view at the end.

coherence

Has some simple plan with more than one paragraph.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

262 words

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Some people think that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money-making traditions aimed at tourists. Others, however, believe that it is the only way to save these traditions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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