IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many businesses choose to recruit from within their own country rather than sourcing staff from overseas. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some dissenting
voice
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voices
show examples
aruge
Correct your spelling
argue
 that nowadays many
coporations
Correct your spelling
corporations
hires
Correct subject-verb agreement
hire
show examples
 the
staff
Use synonyms
 from their own nation
instead
Linking Words
 of sourcing from foreign countries.
Nonetheless
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, cons outweigh the pros because of
Use synonyms
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of development in the business sector with
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
 to
technology
Use synonyms
, and creating
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 conflict in the organisation.
This
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 essay will discuss both pros and cons before giving my suggestion. Circling back to the pros, hiring
staff
Use synonyms
 from the same
country
Use synonyms
 can potentially uplift the standard of living of the nation, especially providing jobs to the rural people or unskilled
labours
Use the right word
labourers
show examples
.
This
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 step can be essential in order to excel both the
Use synonyms
country
Check wording
country's
show examples
economices
Correct your spelling
economy
, and
also
Linking Words
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 rates.
For example
Linking Words
,
china
Fix capitalization
China
show examples
 were they promotes locals
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
foreigner
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foreigners
show examples
 for doing business or jobs in their community. By doing
this
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,
There
Fix capitalization
there
show examples
 will be
soared
Verb problem
a surge
show examples
 in their GDP.
Consequently
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, it blurs the line between
affluent
Correct article usage
the affluent
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and poverty
stricken
Correct word choice
poverty-stricken
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, and
rising
Verb problem
raises
show examples
 the
living of standard
Correct word order
standard of living
show examples
 for every
individuals
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individual
show examples
due to
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 the hiring of their own
staff
Use synonyms
 for businesses.
On the other hand
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, the cons are pretty clear
due to
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 the
lack
Use synonyms
 of introduction of new
technology
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,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 it fails to expand globally.
This
Linking Words
 is because
foreigner
Fix the agreement mistake
foreigners
show examples
 have advanced tools and
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
, which need
specialized
Change the spelling
specialised
show examples
 knowledge to operate.
For example
Linking Words
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 future of
vechile
Correct your spelling
vehicles
 will be EV
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it requires a Battery plant to manufacture the modules and cells that
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
 trained labour, who are
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
 with
this
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technology
Use synonyms
. So refusing to hire the outsider can
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to the loss of the
company
Use synonyms
 because of
Use synonyms
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
technology
Use synonyms
 and trained labour.
Thus
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, the
company
Use synonyms
 will not be able to thrive internationally, which is important for the
Use synonyms
country
Check wording
country's
show examples
 growth.
Furthermore
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,
defensing
Correct your spelling
defending
to hire
Change preposition
against hiring
show examples
 the outsider can cause
Use synonyms
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 culture to shrink.
This
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 is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 giving
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 to
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 community in the organisation can give rise to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nepotisim
Correct your spelling
nepotism
, which can create conflict owing to promotion and other
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
. The developed countries often
lack
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cultural diversity because of employing their own
staff
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it
effects there
Use the right word
affects their
show examples
 interpersonal skills. It can be clearly seen in the meeting where other cultural
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 often
lack
Use synonyms
communciation
Correct your spelling
communication
 and understanding.
This
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 leads to misunderstanding
while
Linking Words
 dealing
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 project.
To conclude
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, Institution hires their
staff
Use synonyms
 from their own
country
Use synonyms
 to foster their economies
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However
Punctuation problem
. However
show examples
, not welcoming foreign
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 could create serious
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in the development of
business
Correct article usage
the business
show examples
 sector in order to adapt
new
Change preposition
to new
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
creating
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
 cultural
barrier
Fix the agreement mistake
barriers
show examples
 which will
effect
Use the right word
affect
show examples
 the
company
Use synonyms
 to grow globally.
Therefore
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,
Use synonyms
Company
Correct article usage
the Company
show examples
 should strike
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 balance between both, and give more priority to the local than outsiders.

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task response
State your view clearly. Tell if advantages outweigh the disadvantages, and say why.
coherence
Use clear paragraphs and a topic sentence. Each paragraph should hold one main idea and link to the next.
organization
There is an intro and a conclusion even if ideas are weak.
content
An example is used, showing some link to real life.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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