IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that government should be held responsible when problem of homelessness snd unemployment arise.Do you agree or disagree

Homelessness
Use synonyms
 and
unemployment
Use synonyms
arise is
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prevalent
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 nowadays. Some may argue that the low productivity level of the
grassroot
Correct your spelling
grassroots
 is the culprit contributing to the above
problem
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 some think that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 is responsible
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue. In my opinion, I think
Correct article usage
the gvenment
show examples
gvenment
Correct your spelling
government
do contribute
Wrong verb form
contributes
show examples
 to the
homelessness
Use synonyms
 and
unemployment
Use synonyms
problem
Use synonyms
 for two reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, policies in Hong Kong
benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
show examples
 more to the higher class of
citizens
Use synonyms
 than the grassroots ones. The high Gini coefficient level in Hong Kong is about 0.4-0.5, which
consider
Wrong verb form
is considered
show examples
as
Use the right word
a
show examples
 high level. The higher the Gini coefficient, the higher the discrepancy between different stages of
citizens
Use synonyms
. Considering the high price of renting
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a flat, the
government
Use synonyms
 did not contribute much to control the
higher class
Use the right word
higher-class
show examples
citizens
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
 purchasing a lot of flats and renting
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 others at a higher price than normal.
This
Linking Words
 leads to the
grassroot
Correct your spelling
grassroots
 cannot rent a flat,
thus
Linking Words
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to
homeless
Replace the word
homelessness
show examples
.
Consequencely
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, poor policy control by the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
attributes
Use the right word
contributes
show examples
 to the
homelessness
Use synonyms
 phenomenon in Hong Kong. Considering the
unemployment
Use synonyms
problem
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 doesn't lend enough resources to the grassroots to enhance their
competiveness
Correct your spelling
competitiveness
. The low-to-middle class
citizens
Use synonyms
'
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 could only afford their daily necessities,
not to mention
Linking Words
 attending courses to increase their knowledge or productivity
in working
Change preposition
at work
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
show examples
 contributes to the labour market, many companies
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 their employees to speak
billingually
Correct your spelling
bilingual
 to handle clients around the globe. When the grassroots
doesn't
Correct subject-verb agreement
don't
show examples
 have resources to learn
english
Fix capitalization
English
show examples
 or
mandarin
Fix capitalization
Mandarin
show examples
 as their second language, there is a lower chance for them to be employed. When time
pass
Correct subject-verb agreement
passes
show examples
, there is a skyrocketing increase in
Use synonyms
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
 rate because of the limited effort
practiced
Verb problem
made
show examples
 by the
government
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the labour market.
Linking Words
to
Fix capitalization
To
show examples
 conclude, the
government
Use synonyms
 contributes the most to the
homelessness
Use synonyms
 and
unemployment
Use synonyms
problem
Use synonyms
 in terms of policy making and
resources
Fix the agreement mistake
resource
show examples
 distribution.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Many spelling and word use errors make meaning hard at some points.
structure
Make a clear plan: an intro with your view, two body parts, and a short end.
examples
Add one or two clear examples with facts or numbers, not only big words.
cohesion
Use simple link words to show how ideas go from one to the next.
stance
You show a clear view that the gov must be blamed.
content
The text talks about policy and money in the city.
structure
There is a closing line that marks the end of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • government
  • responsibility
  • homelessness
  • unemployment
  • policy
  • plan
  • budget
  • housing
  • jobs
  • work
  • skills
  • training
  • safety net
  • welfare
  • benefits
  • rent
  • economy
  • business
  • community
  • accountability
  • evidence
  • outcome
  • goal
  • measure
  • results
  • improve
  • change
  • opportunity
  • growth
  • support
  • fund
What to do next:
Look at other essays: