IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leaisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is quite common these days that loads of individuals work long shifts, resulting in
people
Use synonyms
 having no
time
Use synonyms
 for refreshments. Personally, I tend to believe that
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon would certainly bring more harm than merit for a variety of reasons. On the one hand, working for long hours would most definitely result in more income
as well as
Linking Words
 status growth for both the company and the individuals. Most corporations nowadays tend to pay their employees based on how long they have been working.
For instance
Linking Words
, a massive corporation like Microsoft would indubitably pay more to those who contributed the most to the company
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
this
Linking Words
 policy lures in many
people
Use synonyms
 who need the aid .
Therefore
Linking Words
, more and more individuals are fond of having long shifts in order to have a higher salary.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, having no
time
Use synonyms
 to spend on leisure activities and refreshments is detrimental to the mental health of
people
Use synonyms
, especially the white and blue-collar
.
Check wording
workers.
show examples
 Having to work long hours extensively with high intensity would be a mental strain for many
people
Use synonyms
, which drives the sanest person to a psychopath in the long term.
For example
Linking Words
, there are many reported cases of suicide
due to
Linking Words
 anxiety, stress, and peer pressure.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when corporations leave their workers with no
time
Use synonyms
 for entertainment, it will most definitely destroy the creativity of
people
Use synonyms
 , leaving them working only instinctively, which means there will be
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 innovations, advancements than before.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon would bring a lot of potential harm to society and the economy. In conclusion, the growing trend that
people
Use synonyms
 spend all of their
time
Use synonyms
 on their occupation without leaving
time
Use synonyms
 for themselves, I think it is safe
to conclude
Linking Words
 that
this
Linking Words
 crisis would most definitely bring more harm than benefits.

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Task response
Stick to one main idea and add strong reasons that support it, with simple links.
Coherence and cohesion
Give a clear flow from one idea to the next with simple linking words; start each paragraph with a clear topic line.
Lexical use
Use plain common words and keep to short sentences so the meaning is easy to see.
Grammar
Fix grammar and punctuation, especially run on sentences and wrong verb forms.
Structure
The writer shows a clear view and ends with a conclusion.
Content
There is a basic structure with two sides and a simple order.
Ideas
A few good examples are used, like a big firm.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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