IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that government should be held responsible when problem of homelessness snd unemployment arise.Do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued by some people, higher authorities should take care of
citizens
Use synonyms
 when they are facing challenges ,
such
Linking Words
 as sleeping on roads because they do not have accommodation to live and another major problem
unemployment
Punctuation problem
, unemployment
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 my perception, I agree with the statement. They should
need to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
announce
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free accommodations for needy people. They might provide them
Use synonyms
government
Change preposition
with government
show examples
 jobs in many sectors ,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 education, security department and health.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 should need to make a policy which helps to
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 poor
citizens
Use synonyms
 who
really
Verb problem
are really
show examples
 eligible for
residencey
Correct your spelling
residency
. Clearly,
this
Linking Words
 step will play a pivotal role
to solve
Change preposition
in solving
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue. In
this
Linking Words
 way, homeless locals
can
Verb problem
are
show examples
 able to live happily with their families. In recent
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
president
Fix capitalization
President
show examples
 of
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom announced over 1500
accommodation
Fix the agreement mistake
accommodations
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 he clearly mentioned that it was just for poor
citizens
Use synonyms
. We are living in a developed era,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 still many
coutries
Correct your spelling
countries
 are facing occupation
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. Individuals do not have money for their daily expenses. Unfortunately, more are them are
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduating
show examples
 and well-being. If
government
Use synonyms
 sectors ,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 education, health and
police
Punctuation problem
police,
show examples
 will announce seats for them
according to
Linking Words
merit
Correct article usage
the merit
show examples
 list, it can alleviate
this
Linking Words
 major problem rapidly.
Last
Linking Words
 year, every department of
Australian
Correct article usage
the Australian
show examples
government
Use synonyms
give
Wrong verb form
gave
show examples
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
 opportunities to those who were jobless and they were taken by
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 authentic policy. In conclusion, I would say that these are common rights of every poor
Use synonyms
citizens
Fix the agreement mistake
citizen
show examples
 to have
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 accommodation and a job to live life.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 providing these facilities is
quiet
Use the right word
quite
show examples
 hard for
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
Rephrase
apply
show examples
however
Linking Words
, the way
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
 lives in a country always represents the wealth of
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
.

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structure
Use one clear view in the opening. Then give plan steps that a government could take to help the poor, with simple facts.
coherence
Make each paragraph have one main idea. Start with a short topic sentence and end with a short line.
language
Check spell and grammar. Many words are wrong or misspelled and long sentences make it hard to read.
content
Add more real facts or examples that fit the idea and keep ideas in order.
coherence
Use simple link words to show how ideas fit together, like also, but, and, so.
content
The writer shows care for the poor and wants to help them.
content
The essay gives some examples to back up the idea, which helps.
content
There is an aim to use jobs and homes to help people.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • government
  • responsibility
  • homelessness
  • unemployment
  • policy
  • plan
  • budget
  • housing
  • jobs
  • work
  • skills
  • training
  • safety net
  • welfare
  • benefits
  • rent
  • economy
  • business
  • community
  • accountability
  • evidence
  • outcome
  • goal
  • measure
  • results
  • improve
  • change
  • opportunity
  • growth
  • support
  • fund
What to do next:
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