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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs illustrates the info relating to time worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups. Describe the information shown to a university or collage lecturer.

The graphs illustrates the info relating to time worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups. Describe the information shown to a university or collage lecturer.
The bar graph illustrates the information about the average number of
hours
Use synonyms
 of eight diverse occupations,
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart demonstrates the
stress
Use synonyms
 level of
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 professions. The units are measured as percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 businessmen have
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 number of working
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 among all the professions, and have minimal
stress
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, lecturers demand
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 job working
hours
Use synonyms
 during a
week
Use synonyms
 with high
stress
Use synonyms
 as compared to others. Looking at the bar chart in detail, businessmen dedicate
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
almost 70
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 to their businesses. Followed by that, doctors and movie
producer
Fix the agreement mistake
producers
show examples
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
 approximately 50 and 60
hours
Use synonyms
 a
week
Use synonyms
 respectively. Interestingly, Programmers , lawyers and writers consider
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the moderate, where they do their jobs
almost
Rephrase
apply
show examples
between 30 to 45
hours
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
weekdays. Apart from that, chefs and lecturers
are spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 less number of
hours
Use synonyms
 in their job. Turning to the pie chart,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the people who suffered
Use synonyms
stress related
Use the right word
stress-related
show examples
ill-ness
Use the right word
illnesses
show examples
 are lecturers, which accounted for a quarter of the total.
Similarly
Linking Words
, those who
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
show examples
 under
this
Linking Words
 range 10% to 20% are movie producers , doctors, businessmen and chefs.
Whereas
Linking Words
, writers and lawyers shared
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 proportion
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
stress related
Use the right word
stress-related
show examples
ill-ness
Use the right word
illnesses
show examples
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, stress, week with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • time
  • hours
  • week
  • group
  • high
  • low
  • medium
  • more
  • less
  • long
  • short
  • increase
  • decrease
  • rise
  • fall
  • pattern
  • trend
  • compare
  • contrast
  • show
  • data
  • graph
  • average
  • mean
  • eight
  • doctor
  • lawyer
  • teacher
  • engineer
  • it
  • manager
  • scientist
  • artist
  • stress
  • work
  • profession
  • person
  • reason
  • because
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