IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart illustrates the number of people in the UK eating more than 5 portions of vegetables and fish per day.

The bar chart illustrates the number of people in the UK eating more than 5 portions of vegetables and fish per day.
The bar chart illustrates the percentages of UK individuals consuming five or more portions of vegetables and fish from 2011 to 2017.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the proportions for all three categories—
women
Use synonyms
, men, and children—rose over the
period
Use synonyms
, and
women
Use synonyms
 consistently had the highest numbers throughout. Specifically, from 2011 to 2013, the consumption among men and children rose slightly, from approximately 17% to 19% and from 10% to nearly 13%, respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 remained stable at 20% for three years, showing no considerable change.
Women
Use synonyms
 maintained the highest level of food consumption throughout
this
Linking Words
period
Use synonyms
. From 2014 to 2017, consumption of fish and vegetables increased
overall
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 some fluctuations were noted. Children remained the group least likely to consume these foods, with only 15% by the end of the
period
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, the proportion of
women
Use synonyms
 continued to climb, reaching a peak of over 35% in 2016 before falling to 30%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words period, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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