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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below gives information on what people in five different countries chose to do with their discretionary income. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information on what people in five different countries chose to do with their discretionary income. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The table provides information about the national consumer proportion in five different
countries
Use synonyms
 in 2002.
Overall
Linking Words
, food, drinks/and tobacco were the most popular expenditures in five
countries
Use synonyms
, followed by clothing/wear, and leisure/education, respectively. First of all, Turkish
people
Use synonyms
 spend more than 32 per cent on Food/drinks and tobacco as their primary
consumption
Use synonyms
 in one year, and it was the biggest
consumption
Use synonyms
 amongst the five
countries
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, only 15 per cent of Swedish
people
Use synonyms
 consumed food/drinks and tobacco in one year, half as much as Turkish
people
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the highest
consumption
Use synonyms
 of Clothing and footwear was in Italy, where
people
Use synonyms
 spend 9
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of their income on fashion brands,
while
Linking Words
 in Sweden, there is less interest in fashion, as they only spend less than 6
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, leisure and education
consumption
Use synonyms
 in Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden, and Turkey accounted for less than 5% of total
consumption
Use synonyms
 in these
countries
Use synonyms
. The highest
consumption
Use synonyms
 was in Turkey, at 4.35%, and the lowest was in Spain, at 1.98%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, people, consumption with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • discretionary income
  • expenditure
  • spending patterns
  • comparisons
  • outliers
  • cultural influence
  • economic conditions
  • leisure activities
  • trend analysis
  • cost of living
  • socioeconomic factors
  • proportion
  • priority
  • developed countries
  • employment rates
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