IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Many young people today are losing interest in attending traditional festivals in their countries. What are the reasons for this trend? How can governments and schools encourage the younger generation to value these traditions?

Nowadays, younger generations are losing passion
Change preposition
for in
show examples
in participating
Correct word order
participating in
show examples
 conventional
festivals
Use synonyms
 in their countries.There can be one main reason behind
this
Linking Words
, and
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 can address
this
Linking Words
 issue through an effective measure. One main reason for
this
Linking Words
 is
traditional
Correct word choice
that traditional
show examples
festivals
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 declining in the country.
In other words
Linking Words
, younger generations do not celebrate these events as much as before because they are busy with modern lifestyles.
For example
Linking Words
, they prefer spending time on their phones or watching
Tv
Use the right word
TV
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of celebrating
festivals
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are gradually losing the spirit of celebration. If youngsters spent a bit more time
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
festivals
Use synonyms
, the spirit of celebration would not have been lost.
Thus
Linking Words
, another effective measure to tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue is introducing subjects about traditional
festivals
Use synonyms
 in schools.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, by learning about these
festivals
Use synonyms
 at school, students can understand their cultural importance.
For instance
Linking Words
, schools can
organize
Change the spelling
organise
show examples
 activities, performances, or projects related to
festivals
Use synonyms
, which will make students more interested.
As a result
Linking Words
, younger generations will be more involved in celebrations
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the spirit of
festivals
Use synonyms
 will be preserved.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the decline in traditional
festivals
Use synonyms
 can stem from young people being busy, the government can tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem by adding festival-related subjects in schools.

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content
Add more reasons for why young people lose interest, and give more than one solution, including steps governments and schools can take.
language
Fix grammar and sentence patterns. Check tense and subject-verb form. Simple mistakes such as 'gOverment' and 'Tv' should be corrected.
structure
Make a clear intro that states the plan and a strong conclusion that sums up, with better linking between ideas.
structure
The essay uses clear paragraphs and a simple flow of ideas.
lexical
Basic vocabulary is easy to read and understand.
coherence
There are linking words that connect ideas, such as 'Thus' and 'As a result'.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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