IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In certain countries, unemployment is so high that some have suggested children should stop their education after primary school to learn skills necessary to join the workforce. Do you agree or disagree?

In certain
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
, graduate students are being jobless
due to
Linking Words
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition.
so
Fix capitalization
So
show examples
, it is recommended by some individuals that it is better to learn essential
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 for
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
,
instead
Linking Words
 of getting
formal
Correct article usage
a formal
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 from school.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, in my opinion, it is completely unjustified since
education
Use synonyms
 can
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to holistic development, and better job prospects
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the children.
This
Linking Words
 essay will shed light on my
view points
Use the right word
viewpoints
show examples
 with reasons and
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
. The first and foremost point is that the school curriculum is designed to
in build
Verb problem
instil
show examples
 discipline
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and moral
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
 among youth.
This
Linking Words
 can be an
assist
Check wording
asset
show examples
 because
education
Use synonyms
 could be a stepping stone to inculcate different
skills
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as time management, communication, and problem-solving
skills
Use synonyms
, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 crucial for the
overall
Linking Words
 development of children.
Thus
Linking Words
, skipping
education
Use synonyms
 can be
deterent
Correct your spelling
detrimental
, and it will
affects
Wrong verb form
affect
show examples
 them at their work because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of professionalism.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is argued that unemployment arises
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
specialization
Change the spelling
specialisation
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 particular field.
Although
Linking Words
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 are looking for employees who have
expertises
Fix the agreement mistake
expertise
show examples
, most graduates are unqualified
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of knowledge
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and experience.
Hence
Linking Words
, schools and colleges are aiming to prepare their students by handing out
tailored made
Use the right word
tailored-made
show examples
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
, which is important to meet
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the requirements of the
jobs
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, schools
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to build the foundation of core subjects like maths, which is used in every
aspects
Fix the agreement mistake
aspect
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
jobs
Punctuation problem
jobs,
show examples
 whether it is simple calculation in accounting or
problem solving
Use the right word
problem-solving
show examples
skills
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 debugging the code.
Thererfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
,
education
Use synonyms
 can
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 the applicant to achieve their
desire
Replace the word
desired
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, unemployment can be controversial. The claims against it are conspicuous because of the increase in population, and highly
competative
Correct your spelling
competitive
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads the youth
start
Verb problem
to start
show examples
 working from
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 age.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I stand firm by my opinion, since
education
Use synonyms
 can benefit students at large
due to
Linking Words
 the development of essential life
skills
Use synonyms
, and prepares them professionally for the
jobs
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

planning
Plan your essay first. Make a simple plan with three parts: why not skip school, why skills can help, and your view.
structure
Use a clear topic sentence at the start of each paragraph to show what it will talk about.
cohesion
Link ideas smoothly with small joining words like 'also', 'but', 'for example' to keep flow.
examples
Give one or two exact examples to back up your point.
editing
Check spelling and use simple, correct grammar so readers can follow easily.
content
The essay shows a clear view on the topic.
content
The idea that schooling can build discipline and math base is shown.
content
The writer tries to balance the idea and give a view.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: