IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, people need to leave their families and friends to find jobs in other places. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

The issue of
people
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 seeking
job
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 opportunities in different countries
instead
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 of staying hometown has sparked interest.
Although
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 leaving friends and families may cause a sense of isolation, I firmly believe that its benefits outweigh the drawbacks, because finances play a fundamental to the quality of life. One chief reason is that
although
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 leaving hometowns may bring feelings of isolation and lack of emotional support from original friends and families
initially
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.
However
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, with the advancement of technology,
people
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 can get in touch with their close members and strengthen their bonds on the internet through some applications and platforms.
Furthermore
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, in the new countries, it is possible to build new connections with their
colleages
Correct your spelling
colleagues
, allowing them to accept another sense of belonging in groups. Another compelling argument is that
unemployment
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 would have a detrimental effect on comprehensive of
living qualities
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life
show examples
. There are more
job
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 opportunities in metropolises, allowing
people
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 to acquire better access to enter
job
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 markets and
further
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 find ideal vacation.
Moreover
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, long-term
unemployment
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 is the root cause of the financial burden
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
thus
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, leaving hometown and moving to certain areas is an effective and efficient way to avoid the risk of
unemployment
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.
For example
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, there are fewer opportunities for IT jobs in remote areas
,
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;
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therefore
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, IT engineers need to move to urban areas and enter appropriate corporations.
As a result
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, residing in different countries enables
people
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 to experience a stable quality of life and
job
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 security. In conclusion, based on the arguments above, I firmly consider that leaving hometown may be accompanied by some challenges concerning feelings of isolation,
while
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 the financial burden and
unemployment
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 can be addressed.
As a consequence
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, it is a sustainable way to maintain a steady income and ensure living security.

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grammar
Improve grammar and word use. Fix errors like miss care, wrong t, and bad word form.
coherence
Make ideas clearer. Use a strong topic sentence for each paragraph and link ideas with clear flow.
content
The essay shows a clear view that benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
structure
There is a simple, basic structure of intro, body and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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