IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that the working
week
Use synonyms
 should be shortened so they can enjoy a longer weekend. In my opinion, I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, as reducing the working
week
Use synonyms
 schedule brings significant benefits for both individuals and society.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, a shorter working
week
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 is beneficial to
people
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's physical and mental health
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, while
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while
Change preposition
as
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 they have more
time
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 to relax. In many countries,
people
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 face long hours of working, facing high pressure and limited personal
time
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, which can lead to burnout, stress
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
also
Linking Words
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
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 working productivity.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Japanese economy is facing a decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 rate
of
Change preposition
apply
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birth
, leading
Check wording
rate, leading
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 to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 decline
of
Change preposition
in
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 the output of the economy. The reason is
because of
Change preposition
that due
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 the overloading
in working
Change preposition
at work
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, the majority of workers in Japan have extra work
time
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so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 they do not have personal
time
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, recharge for the physical and mental health, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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marriage or having
child
Correct article usage
a child
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 never planned.
Therefore
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, a longer weekend
also
Linking Words
 enhances the work-life balance,
while
Linking Words
people
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 can
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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 exercise and pursue meaningful activities
such
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 as social interactions, hobbies and so on.
This
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 can strengthen not only
in
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apply
show examples
family
but
Check wording
relationships but
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also
Linking Words
 social relationships, creating long-term happiness.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, longer weekends help workers return to work after
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
 period of
taking
Verb problem
apply
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rest, ensuring the working output
even
Verb problem
is even
show examples
 has a few working days. In conclusion, shortening the working day and extending the weekend brings several advantages for personal health, quality of life and society.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I strongly agree that
people
Use synonyms
 should have shorter working days in the
week
Use synonyms
.

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tip
Your position is clear. Keep your view in each paragraph.
tip
Link ideas with simple words and short lines. Try one idea per paragraph.
weakness
Fix grammar in key sentences. Watch verb form and word order.
tip
Add one or two more real facts or simple data to back your points.
tip
End with a short rest on your view, not just say it again. A plan sentence helps.
strength
Clear position stated at the start and end.
strength
A good idea to talk on health and life balance with an example.
strength
Shows effort to argue for a wide change, not just a small point.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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