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Writing Samples
Band 5

Cambridge 10 test 1 The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Cambridge 10 test 1 The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The two pie
chart
Fix the agreement mistake
charts
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depicts
Correct subject-verb agreement
depict
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 the
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 and
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
emissions
Use synonyms
 in an average Australian household.
Overall
Linking Words
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
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 is clearly seen that the heating,
water
Use synonyms
 heating and other
appliances
Use synonyms
 increased significantly in
energy
Use synonyms
 house use,
while
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
emissions
Use synonyms
 have
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
incredibly
Replace the word
incredible
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increse
Correct your spelling
increase
 in other
appliances
Use synonyms
,
water
Use synonyms
 heating and refrigeration. First of all, in Australian property
Use synonyms
energy
Punctuation problem
, energy
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 heating is
dominant
Correct article usage
the dominant
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 source, accounting for 42% of total
energy
Use synonyms
.
Water
Use synonyms
 heating
second
Verb problem
is second
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 with 30%, followed by other
appliances
Use synonyms
 at 15%. After that comes refrigeration at 7%, following lighting with 4% and the smallest
precentafe
Correct your spelling
percentage
 is cooling at 2%. In Australian
greenhold
Correct your spelling
greenhouse
gas
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
emissions
Add a comma
emissions,
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 the largest
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 is
water
Use synonyms
 heating with 32%,
Linking Words
then
Rephrase
apply
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 followed
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 drop
other
Change preposition
to other
show examples
appliances
Use synonyms
 at 28%.The heating 15%
while
Linking Words
 refrigeration is slightly
less
Punctuation problem
less,
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 is 14%.With almost
Correct article usage
a doubled
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doubled
Replace the word
double
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 decrease is a lighting at 8%.The smallest
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
emissions
Use synonyms
 in Australia is cooling with 3%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, heating
energy
Use synonyms
 use is 42%,and heating at
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 at 15%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, greenhouse, gas, emissions, water, appliances with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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