IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

The negative impacts of sugary
products
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 health
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 an issue in many countries. I strongly agree with the idea that they should become more expensive to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to consume less. First of all, increasing prices of sugary
products
Use synonyms
 can cause a disruption in
cycle
Correct article usage
the cycle
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 of
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 by creating
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
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 barrier. By
this
Linking Words
 I mean that it can seriously impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reducing sugar consumption and it acts as a direct disincentive.
For example
Linking Words
, price
sensitively
Replace the word
sensitivity
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 is a common matter
Punctuation problem
, specially
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specially
Use the right word
especially
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 among low-income families.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
 the price of sugary items goes up, consumers will purchase less.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 could impose
heavy
Correct article usage
a heavy
show examples
 tax on sugary manufactured goods
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 may provide a strong incentive
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
industrial
Replace the word
industry
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 to change the materials of sugary items
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 healthier
alternative
Fix the agreement mistake
alternatives
show examples
. In fact, since supply and demand are directly related, a decrease in demand can often encourage the producers of sugary
products
Use synonyms
 to shift their material
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 has
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
show examples
 to improve
customer's
Check wording
customers'
show examples
 health.
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
 conclusion, I agree with the idea of increasing the price of sugary manufactured
products
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 is in charge
to tackle
Change preposition
of tackling
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue by imposing heavy
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 on these goods and
raise
Wrong verb form
raising
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 public awareness among
people
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 the dire result
to encourage
Change preposition
of encouraging
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to purchase less.

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summary
Overall band: 5. You have a basic view and some good ideas, but many grammar errors and lack of detail slow a clear score.
task response
Task response: say your view in the first part, give two reasons, and add one small example for each. End with a short closing line.
coherence
Coherence and cohesion: make a clear topic sentence for each paragraph and use links to move between ideas. Try to keep one idea per small part and end each paragraph with a strong line.
strength
You show a clear view and use order words like First of all and Secondly to show steps.
strength
There is a simple path from idea to idea and some good use of structure.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
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