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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the petroleum production and consumption among 7 regions in 2002.

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The bar chart shows the petroleum production and consumption among 7 regions in 2002.
The bar chart
illustrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrates
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 the daily petroleum
production
Use synonyms
 and
consumption
Use synonyms
 ( measured in 1000000
Barrels
Use synonyms
) from seven different regions in 2002 . We can see that the Middle East had the highest oil
production
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, at nearly 20 billion
Barrels
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 per day, but its
consumption
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 was the lowest, at just over 4 billion.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Europe was the largest consumer,
at
Change preposition
with
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 about 25 billion
barrels
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 per day
,
Punctuation problem
;
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its
production
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 was just about 18
million
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. Asia and Australia both consumed more than they produced, with Asia’s
consumption
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 about 11
million
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barrels
Use synonyms
 per day. Africa and Latin America,
however
Linking Words
, produced more oil than they consumed, Africa’s
production
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 at about 6
million
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barrels
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 daily
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 its
consumption
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 was just 4
million
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, there was a clear imbalance between
consumption
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 and
production
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 in most regions.Europe,
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 States, Asia and Australia were
Use synonyms
consumption
Replace the word
consuming
 more than
production
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,
while
Linking Words
 the Middle East, Africa and Latin America produced more oil than they used. Australia was the only region where
production
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 and
consumption
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 were close.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words production, consumption, barrels, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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