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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of the population in the UK who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in 2002, 2006 and 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of the population in the UK who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in 2002, 2006 and 2010.
The graph presents the
amount
Check wording
number
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 of people who consumed an average amount of fruits and vegetables daily throughout the years: 2002,2006,2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that females consumed the most vegetables and fruits compared to youngsters who fall in the lowest category and males who stayed in the middle. In
2002
Punctuation problem
2002,
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 women reached 25% of daily consumption
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 children had only 11% which is twice as low
compared
Change preposition
as compared
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to
Change preposition
of
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 men
who
Punctuation problem
, who
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 reached 22% that year. During the year
2006
Add a comma
2006,
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 all three categories had an increase in their consumption. The biggest difference was made by females and pupils because both of these groups had an increase of 7% and the smallest change could be seen in
males
Check wording
males'
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 data as their intake increased only by 4%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, at the year
2010
Add a comma
2010,
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 the numbers of all the groups decreased. Females faced the biggest downfall of
6%^
Correct your spelling
6% while
while
Linking Words
 both males and pupils had a decline of 2%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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