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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph below shows the number of cell phone subscribers in a particular city, by gender.

The line graph below shows the number of cell phone subscribers in a particular city, by gender.
The line graph elaborates, the male and female representative subscribing the number of mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 in a particular city, during the year 1995 to 2015, in Maysville .
Linking Words
Fix capitalization
Overall
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overall
Punctuation problem
overall,
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 though
both
Use synonyms
 genders had
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 amount of
subscribtion
Correct your spelling
subscription
 in the beginning,
latermen
Correct your spelling
men
 stand
a head
Use the right word
ahead
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than
Change preposition
of
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womens
Correct your spelling
women
 for
subscribtion
Correct your spelling
subscription
 by about 1000. Male had a fluctuating graph
through out
Use the right word
throughout
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. To commence, in 1995
both
Use synonyms
 the sex gaining phone was almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
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to
Punctuation problem
, to
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 500,
while
Linking Words
both
Use synonyms
 had an increasing trend, but the
womens
Check wording
women's
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 graph was a steady
rose
Replace the word
rise
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,as compared to male,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 reached
to
Change preposition
apply
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2500
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 after 15 years.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
both
Use synonyms
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
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 showed a gain of four
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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 greater , than
the
Change preposition
at the
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 beginning.
Linking Words
on
Fix capitalization
On
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 the other hand, women started dropping down
near
Change preposition
apply
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to
2000
Rephrase
around 2000
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, by 2010. and later it
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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plateau
Replace the word
plateaued
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 to the same by 2015
,
Punctuation problem
.
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However
Linking Words
,
mens
Correct your spelling
men
 remain steady for 5 years. Later 5 years
it
Punctuation problem
, it
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 gradually increased to 2500. During
this
Linking Words
period
Punctuation problem
period,
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 the difference between the
Use synonyms
both
Correct determiner usage
two
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gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
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 of subscribing
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 was 1000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words both with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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