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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The given pie charts illustrate the average
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fats and added sugar
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
found in
breakfast
Use synonyms
,
lunch
Use synonyms
,
dinner
Use synonyms
 and snacks that were consumed by the residents of
United
Correct article usage
the United
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State
Fix the agreement mistake
States
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 of America. At a glance, it can be seen that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat were taken more in
percentage
Use synonyms
 by the people of
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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in
Change preposition
at
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dinner
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat were taken
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
in
Use synonyms
Correct word choice
higher percentage
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percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dinner
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
, meanwhile added sugar was taken
more
Correct word choice
in higher amounts
show examples
 whenever residents ate their snacks.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
sodium
Use synonyms
 was taken in the highest proportion in the
time
Use synonyms
 of
dinner
Use synonyms
, which was 43%. Followed by
lunch
Use synonyms
, which was 29% and
breakfast
Use synonyms
 tied with snacks (14%). In terms of saturated fat, there was no change in the first position, which
was
Verb problem
apply
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remained with
dinner
Use synonyms
 (37%). Following that, the
lunch
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
, when
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 consumed 26% of saturated fat.
Breakfast
Use synonyms
 was the
time
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when residents
taken
Wrong verb form
took
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 the lowest saturated fat. At the snacking
time
Use synonyms
, people
taken
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 the
most
Correct word choice
largest
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 amount of added sugar, which made up
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
42%
,
Punctuation problem
.
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 After that,
dinner
Use synonyms
,
lunch
Use synonyms
 and
breakfast
Use synonyms
 occupied the
second,
Linking Words
third and fourth
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
, respectively
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 23, 19 and 16 in
percentage
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, sodium, breakfast, lunch, dinner, time with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrients
  • unhealthy
  • typical meals
  • percentages
  • saturated fats
  • fibers
  • sugars
  • impact
  • average
  • consumption
  • trends
  • breakfast
  • lunch
  • dinner
  • highest
  • lowest
  • variation
  • implications
  • balanced diet
  • recommendations
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