IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below show the main reasons workers chose to work from home and the hours males and females worked at home for the year 2019

The charts present the reasons to work from
home
Use synonyms
 chosen by the
workers
Use synonyms
, and both genders’ working
hours
Use synonyms
 by the year of 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, mostly male
workers
Use synonyms
 had more
hours
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
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working from
Use synonyms
home
Punctuation problem
home,
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while
Linking Words
 female
workers
Use synonyms
 mostly had fewer
hours
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working from
home
Use synonyms
. It can be seen from the graph that the main reasons for male
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
 to work from
home
Use synonyms
 in 2019
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 saving money at 45
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Next,
Linking Words
to be more
productive
Punctuation problem
productive,
show examples
 recorded 24
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and
Linking Words
lastly
Punctuation problem
lastly,
show examples
 to achieve easier healthcare stood at only 4
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, female
laborers’
Change the spelling
labourers’
show examples
 main reasons were to save money at 42
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, followed by
earning
Verb problem
apply
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easier healthcare at 26
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and being more productive at 11
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, male
workers
Use synonyms
 who had more than 30
hours
Use synonyms
 working from
home
Use synonyms
 per week reached 81
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 female
workers
Use synonyms
 obtained only 6
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, only 16
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of males and 22
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of females
had10
Correct your spelling
had 10
 to 30 work
hours
Use synonyms
 at
home
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, only 3
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of male
workers
Use synonyms
 worked for under 10
hours
Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 female
workers
Use synonyms
 were up to 74
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "lastly, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words home, workers, hours, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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