In modern times, children are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

Nowadays,
children
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spend more
time
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with their
friends
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than with their families.
This
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change has occurred because
children
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do not want to feel left out amongst their peers , and
parents
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should not force
children
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to stay
home
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because they will resent their
parents
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for it. Young ones do not want to miss out on social
activities
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with their
friends
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. Since the invention of technology, many
activities
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that people carry out, especially teenagers, are now being posted online.
As a result
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,
children
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want to engage more in
activities
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with their peers so they would
also
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have fun stories to post on their social media pages and not be the odd one out among their peers.
For example
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, many young people in South Korea are known to shop and visit fun places with their
friends
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rather than their
parents
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, so as to show off the fun
activities
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they engage in on WeChat, a popular social media platform.
Children
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whose
parents
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mandate spending more
time
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at
home
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might hold a grudge towards their
parents
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.
This
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is because if
children
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are forced by their
parents
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to spend more
time
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at
home
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, they may interpret
this
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as a form of punishment and develop a negative attitude towards their
parents
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, which defeats the goal of family
time
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.
However
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, if they are encouraged to play with their siblings and bond with the family,
children
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will be more willing to stay at
home
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.
For example
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, most
children
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in Nigeria, even though they spend
time
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with their
friends
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, look forward to family
time
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because
parents
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in Nigeria emphasise the benefits of spending more
time
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with family. In conclusion,
children
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want to engage in
activities
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with their
friends
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and not be left out, and
parents
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should encourage their
children
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to stay at
home
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more, rather than force them
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
that their
children
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will not resent them.

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task response
Your answer has the right idea but make your main points clearer and link them to your main claim.
coherence
State a clear plan in the first paragraph and follow it in each paragraph.
coherence
Use simple link words to guide the reader: first, next, but, however, so.
task response
Give a strong example for each point and explain how it backs your idea.
grammar
Check grammar and full stops so the writing is easy to read.
strength
You answer both parts of the question.
strength
You use ideas from more than one country.
strength
You take a clear side against forcing time at home.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic commitments
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Technology and social media
  • Peer acceptance
  • Independence
  • Family dynamics
  • Cultural norms
  • Individualism
  • Parental enforcement
  • Family bonds
  • Social development
  • Autonomy versus guidance
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