IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some countries focus on health care and education benefits while others on infrastructure and employment. Which do you think would be more beneficial for the population ? give specific details and examples to support your opinion.

Nowadays, there are a lot of countries that put healthcare and education on
thire
Correct your spelling
their
 priority.Some governments prefer to focus more on the fundamentals and employment
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
Is
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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fixing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
poverty more crucial than
fundemantals
Correct your spelling
fundamentals
? On one hand, some governments believe that they need to invest more to
tackele
Correct your spelling
tackle
 the poverty.
and
Fix capitalization
And
show examples
 that efforts might be reflected positively, because that can provide a loyal
population
Use synonyms
 who really care about the
country
Use synonyms
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 could be a method to build a
unique
Punctuation problem
unique,
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 strong generation, who want to develop the fundamentals and provide more for the
country
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
: some countries
such
Linking Words
 as SaudiaArabia and the United Kingdom give free insurance to the
population
Use synonyms
, and that appears
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
peoples
Check wording
people's
show examples
 loyalty.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are governments focusing more on the infrastructure and employees
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 In fact, that could be the sequence or a more advantageous level , which is coming after caring for the citizens.
For instance
Linking Words
:
Malaysia
Check wording
apply
show examples
in the past
we
Punctuation problem
, we
show examples
 saw how
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
country
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
struggled.
Then
Linking Words
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 the
hand
Check wording
support
show examples
 of the
population
Use synonyms
, the
country
Use synonyms
 grew
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and became with
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
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 economic base and a direction for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitors, all of that coming
begun
Wrong verb form
began
show examples
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
,
Linking Words
that is
Verb problem
which
show examples
care
Wrong verb form
cares
show examples
 honestly
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
,
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 the citizens built a strong
country
Use synonyms
.
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
 conclusion, the balance between
infrastrcture
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 and community
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is crucial. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the concentration on one of them could affect the other.
Besides
Linking Words
, I believe beginning with the most important things,
such
Linking Words
 as the health care and the education system, could provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society with miracles
due to
Linking Words
 the loyalty of the
population
Use synonyms
.

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task response
State your main view clearly at the start and stick to it. Explain why this choice is best.
coherence cohesion
Use clear links between ideas. Use words like first, then, also, and but to guide the reader.
grammar
Use simple, correct spell and grammar. Check spellings and form like healthcare, infrastructure, poverty.
content
Give one or two strong examples and explain how they show your point.
content
The essay shows a clear idea of balancing care for people with work on a country.
content
The author tries to give an idea that care for health and school can win loyalty.
structure
There is a closing line that says balance is key.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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