IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today more and more people want things instantly (eg: goods, services , news ) Why is this? Is it a positive or negative development?

In fast
moving
Verb problem
fast-moving
show examples
 world, everybody
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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each
Correct determiner usage
apply
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and
Correct word choice
apply
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every thing
Use the right word
everything
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 instantly.
This
Linking Words
 change has pros
as well as
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 some cons. I believe advantages have an edge over disadvantages, and both are discussed
further
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 in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, there are many positive effects of
this
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 development.
Firstly
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,
people
Use synonyms
 can save their
time
Use synonyms
 by demanding faster goods and services. They can invest their valuable
time
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 in some important things rather than waiting longer.
For example
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,
transportation
Correct article usage
the transportation
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 system was slow and less convenient in comparison
of
Change preposition
to
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 today. Currently,
people
Use synonyms
 can save
time
Use synonyms
 through faster
tansportation
Correct your spelling
transportation
, and can use that
time
Use synonyms
 to spend with their family.
Secondly
Linking Words
, a person can earn more in
shorter
Correct article usage
a shorter
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 span. So by getting
everthing
Correct your spelling
everything
 faster,
people
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 can achieve their goals in
shorter
Correct article usage
a shorter
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 span. Growth of a person has
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 instant as well, which is good for them.
Finally
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,
this
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 change has decreased crime rates. Faster news
judiciary
Punctuation problem
, judiciary
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, and latest investigation systems have led to quick responses. Because of that, solving critical cases
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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became
Wrong verb form
become
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more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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easier.
While
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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before
Punctuation problem
before,
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 many cases were left unsolved in the record room.
However
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, there are a few demerits of
this
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 fast-forward era. The main problem is
health
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 issues.
Due to
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fast-food
Use the right word
fast food
show examples
,
People
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 are compromising their
health
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.
Additinally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, workload has increased
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 leads to mental
health
Use synonyms
 problems.
Moreover
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, sometimes in order to finish tasks immediately,
people
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 may compromise safety,
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 may cause
hazardious
Correct your spelling
hazardous
 situations.
To conclude
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,
while
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 there are some
health
Use synonyms
 and safety issues of providing instant services, it has more profits
to
Change preposition
for
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 the individual and society.
Health
Use synonyms
 and safety problems could be solved if work
has
Verb problem
were
show examples
 done with more focus.

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development
The essay answers the task and gives view and examples. To get a higher band, add a clear view in the first paragraph and give stronger proof for each main point. Finish with a short line that restates your view and why it is right.
structure
The essay has a start, middle, and end, but flow is not always smooth. Try to use a clear topic at the start of each paragraph and link ideas with simple words like first, next, also, but, so.
content
The essay talks on both sides and gives real examples such as time saved and fast news.
structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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