IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
 criminal activities are increasing
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
and there
some
Verb problem
are some
show examples
 main
factories
Use the right word
factors
show examples
 which contribute
these
Change preposition
to these
show examples
 actions. Main reasons can be poverty and
raising
Verb problem
growing up
show examples
 in dysfunctional
families
Use synonyms
. To
adress
Correct your spelling
address
 these
problems
Use synonyms
might be
Verb problem
,
show examples
 increasing employment opportunities and providing support to
families
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, criminal activities show
upward
Correct article usage
an upward
show examples
 trend
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all over
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 and
make
Verb problem
are
show examples
 it
big
Correct word choice
major
show examples
 concern for society.
Goverments
Correct your spelling
Governments
 and different
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 are trying to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem. But
tackle
Wrong verb form
tackling
show examples
 these
problems
Use synonyms
 starts with
identifing
Correct your spelling
identifying
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 causes and
find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
common
Correct article usage
a common
show examples
 solution to prevent
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. One of the main reason are poverty and lack of
empoyment
Correct your spelling
employment
 opportunities. Social and economic inequalities and lack of
job
Use synonyms
variotions
Correct your spelling
variations
. All these factors lead to
commiting diffrenet
Correct your spelling
committing different
 types
crimes
Change preposition
of crimes
show examples
. People who
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 experienced financial hardship may be more likely to
involve
Verb problem
engage
show examples
 in crime.
For instance
Linking Words
, recent research showed that people in low social and economic growth more
tendecy
Correct your spelling
tend
 to
commiting
Correct word choice
commit more
show examples
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 than more
developping
Correct your spelling
developed
 countries. To tackle these
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
can be
Verb problem
,
show examples
 providing access to
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities and promoting economic growth.
For example
Linking Words
, releasing new
job
Use synonyms
 vacancies in Uzbekistan significantly
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 criminal activity in
this
Linking Words
 country.
Secondly
Linking Words
, growing
in
Change preposition
up in
show examples
dysfunctinal
Correct your spelling
dysfunctional
families
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 contribute
these
Change preposition
to these
show examples
 actions in future. Children
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
raised with constant abuse,
neglet
Correct your spelling
neglect
 and violence tend to
involving
Wrong verb form
get involved
show examples
in criminal activities. To
adress
Correct your spelling
address
 these
problems
Use synonyms
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 and
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 have to
providing
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 support and resources for
families
Use synonyms
,
i ncluding
Use the right word
including
show examples
 parental classes and
counseling
Change the spelling
counselling
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, one of the cities of Germany started to work with dysfunctional
families
Use synonyms
 and
attrack
Correct your spelling
attract
 them to free courses
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
and help them to reduce negative
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, financial hardships and minimum chances
to get
Change preposition
of getting
show examples
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
, children with problematic backgrounds are more likely to
commiting
Correct your spelling
commit
 crimes. To tackle these
Use synonyms
problems
Punctuation problem
problems,
show examples
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 should boost their economy and
realese
Correct your spelling
release
 new jobs
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
also
Linking Words
to strengthening
Verb problem
strengthen
show examples
 family bonds.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

improvement
Use clear intro and a short conclusion. State the main cause first, then the plan to stop it.
organization
Make each paragraph focus on one idea. Start with cause, then effect, then solution.
language
Write in simple words. Fix many spelling and bad word forms. Read aloud to see errors.
content
Add more real example for each point. Use facts or simple data.
cohesion
Use linking words to show the flow. For example, first, also, however, in addition.
grammar
Keep tense same in a paragraph. Use present simple for facts.
conclusion
End with a short, clear last sentence about the main idea.
strength
The topic and task are clear; you argue on causes and a plan to stop crime.
strength
Some examples are used (Uzbekistan, Germany) to show ideas.
strength
There is a plan to fix problems, not only talk about them.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: