IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that director of large organizations receive much higher salaries than ordinary workers. Some think this high income is necessary, while others believe it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is an ongoing debate over whether the minority of people think that executives of large companies obtain much higher salaries compared to regular employees
or
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, or
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 others believe that
this
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 high remuneration is essential.
On the contrary
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, it is unjust. From my perspective, getting a high salary is not unfair, because their
role
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 is huge in large
organizations
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organisations
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 than ordinary
workers
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain both of these views and give examples. On the one hand, it is commonly argued that the director of
large
Correct article usage
a large
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companies
Fix the agreement mistake
company
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 earns a much higher income than
workers
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. I reckon that the executives play a pivotal
role
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 in improving
success
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the success
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 and reputation of
company
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the company
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. Because
,
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apply
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 they commence their business from a null with a lot of failures, sacrifices, and
bankrupts
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bankruptcies
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.
Additionally
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, they carry enormous responsibility and pressure. Namely, they should make high-stakes decisions to enhance the
role
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.
As a consequence
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, they drive innovation and long-term growth.
Therefore
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, they definitely deserve higher earnings.
On the other hand
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, in spite of the
part
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role
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 of administrators of large businesses is really important, the
staffs
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staff
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also
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 play a crucial
role
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 in increasing
the
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apply
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succeed
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success
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 quickly. To be precise, senior managers do not have the
probability
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ability
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 to raise business solely without the help of
workers
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.
Hence
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, managers should not undermine employee morale and loyalty. It is better for
labors
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labourers
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 to encourage them with extra bonuses and financial rewards.
Consequently
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, employees start to work better with
passionate
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passion
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 and dedication. In conclusion, not only
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does supervises
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supervises
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supervision
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 play a vital
role
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, but the
role
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 of regular
workers
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 is
also
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 huge. Motivating them with rewards and more equitable salary distribution is extremely beneficial for both companies and directors.

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task
Make your view clear at the end with a short, strong sentence.
coherence
Use simple link words to show how ideas go together, for example also, but, however, so.
ideas
Give one or two small examples to back up your main points.
content
The essay tries to show both sides and your own view.
style
You use easy words that are easy to read.
structure
There is a plan with an intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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