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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table shows data about the average income for one person in dollars, across two different age groups: under 18 and over 60, as well as the percentage of the poor population in three states in the US, namely California, Utah, and Florida

The table compares the income
as per
Change preposition
of
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individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 in different age groups in three different states-California,
Utal
Correct your spelling
Utah
, and
Florida
Use synonyms
. The figures are expressed in percentages and dollars.
Overall
Linking Words
, the table clearly shows that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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Californa
Use the right word
California
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 remained the dominant contributor
while
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 residents from
Utal
Correct your spelling
Utah
 had
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
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 salaries.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, youth under 18
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 reported 16% in
Florida
Use synonyms
 and accounted for the lowest share.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Utal stood at its peak position by 28%.
In addition
Linking Words
, the older citizens above 60
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 were the highest in
Florida
Use synonyms
 by 16% followed by California at 13%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Utal had
shrinked
Correct your spelling
shrunk
 by 8%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, average revenue produced by people had reported
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
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 in California and
Florida
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, by
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by
Change preposition
at
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 23,000 dollars and 22,000 respectively.
Similarly
Linking Words
, California and
Florida
Use synonyms
 had high
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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 below the poverty line
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 16% and 12%
each
Correct determiner usage
apply
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. In
converse
Check wording
contrast
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, Utal had
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
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 poverty rate by 9%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words florida with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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