IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Employers should give their staff at least a 4- week holiday a year to make employees better at their jobs. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that employees should have a minimum of 28
days
Check wording
days'
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 holiday each year in order to perform better at their employment. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement . I firmly believe that personnel who get enough rest from their duties and the reasons will be thoroughly explained as follows.
Firstly
Linking Words
, most of the job position require that the staff work forty hours a week, which means that those people don't have enough
time
Use synonyms
 for themself.
This
Linking Words
 can cause mental and physical fatigue
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 leads to a reduction
of
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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performance in the long run.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some job positions,
such
Linking Words
 as doctors and nurses, have different
time
Use synonyms
 shifts, which means working even at night. Those people, in order to recover from the stress and recharge their energy, need
time
Use synonyms
 off from labour.
Besides
Linking Words
 getting a rest, having a break from service increases the global economy. First of all, when individuals are free from their commitment, they want to go on holiday and to escape from the place where they have been for the
last
Linking Words
 eleven months.
In other words
Linking Words
, they start spending money on flights, hotels, restaurants, etc. As far as I am concerned, every
time
Use synonyms
 I have a few moments free, I go somewhere now because I need to relax and recharge my battery before coming back to my profession. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned, getting a minimum period of four weeks free from labour plays a crucial role in the wellness of the staff and in the global economy.

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grammar
Fix small grammar and word form mistakes to make every sentence clear.
development
Add more detail for each reason. Give specific, simple examples and numbers if you can.
structure
Make a plan before you write: intro with view, body 1 rest, body 2 cash side, body 3 counter view or care, short conclusion.
coherence
Link ideas well. Use clean joins like 'and', 'but', 'also', or 'in addition'.
stance
You show a clear 'agree' view.
content
You give two real reasons for your view (rest and money).
structure
You use order words like 'Firstly' and 'In conclusion'.
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