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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people are buying a wide range of household goods. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?

The increasing trend of purchasing a wide range of
household
Use synonyms
 goods has become a significant phenomenon in modern society. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 development is largely positive as it enhances the
quality
Use synonyms
 of life and stimulates economic growth. One primary benefit of buying more
household
Use synonyms
 items is the improvement it brings to daily living. Modern appliances,
such
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 as vacuum cleaners and dishwashers, save people considerable time and effort in performing
household
Use synonyms
 chores.
This
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 allows individuals to focus more on other important aspects of
lives
Correct pronoun usage
their lives
show examples
,
such
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 as
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
, hobbies, or spending
quality
Use synonyms
 time with family.
Furthermore
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,
such
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 goods often contribute to better living standards by making homes more comfortable and functional. Another advantage is the positive impact on the economy and technological progress. The growing demand for
household
Use synonyms
 products encourages manufacturers to innovate and produce more and more advanced and efficient items.
This
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 not only creates job opportunities but
also
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 drives competition, leading to better prices and
quality
Use synonyms
 for consumers.
Additionally
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,
this
Linking Words
 trend fosters economic growth as it boosts consumer spending, which is a key driver of many national economies. In conclusion, the rising trend of purchasing
household
Use synonyms
 goods is a positive development. It improves the
quality
Use synonyms
 of life by offering convenience and comfort,
while
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also
Linking Words
contributin
Correct your spelling
contributing
 to economic and technological advancements.

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content
Your view is clear and you give good reasons. To raise the score, add one or two real life details or simple examples.
grammar
Fix small grammar and spelling mistakes. For example, change 'contributin' to 'contributing', 'lives' to 'life', and 'works' to 'work'.
coherence
Make the links between ideas a bit smoother. Use simple link words like 'first', 'then', 'also', and 'but' to show how ideas go together.
task response
Add a short note on a possible downside or counter idea and then explain why your view stays strong. This makes your answer more full.
vocabulary
Use one or two easy examples of items, such as a fridge or a washing machine, to show how household goods help life.
content
Clear main idea that buying more goods can help life and the economy.
structure
Good set up with a clear start, body, and end.
development
Reasons are tied to daily life and money, so the point is easy to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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