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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below shows the total population and the proportion of males and females aged 15 and aged 75 in the UK from 1911 to 2011.

The table provides information about the total
population
Use synonyms
 of the UK,
as well as
Linking Words
 the percentage of males and females aged 15 and
aged
Verb problem
apply
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75, over the period from 1911 to 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, the total
population
Use synonyms
 experienced a
steadily
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steady
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 growth throughout the century.
While
Linking Words
 the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 aged 15 gradually declined, the percentage of those
rore
Correct your spelling
rose
 significantly over the same period. In 1911, the total
population
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 of the UK was approximately 36.1
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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. The number of males aged 15 was slightly lower than that of females, at about 335,700 and 334,200
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
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.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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15-years-old
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15-year-olds
 accounted for around 1.86% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
. After 100 years, the percentage of
people
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 aged 15 experienced a gradual decline and fell to about 1.23% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
. Regarding the
people
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 aged 75 in the UK, the number of females was considerably higher than that of males in 1911, at around 47.400 and 34.100 respectively.
Overall
Linking Words
,
75-years-olds
Correct your spelling
75-year-olds
 represented around 0.23% of
Correct article usage
the totall
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totall
Correct your spelling
total
population
Use synonyms
. By 2011, the proportion of
people
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 aged 75 had risen considerably, reaching 0.70% of
Linking Words
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
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population
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 the total
popuation
Correct your spelling
population
 saw substantial growth by the end of the period, reaching
apporximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 56.1 million.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, overall".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerably" was used 2 times.
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