IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some People work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that, it is better to work for different organization. Discuss both these views and give your own openion.

Many
people
Use synonyms
 prefer working at the same workplace throughout their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, others argue that it is better to
work
Use synonyms
 at different organisations in their professional life. In my opinion, it
better
Verb problem
is better
show examples
 to switch offices or firms
while
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 working because it helps in growing our professional networks and it provides us with better working facilities.
People
Use synonyms
 who are in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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support in view of working at
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same corporation for years is ideal, because they are not
accusstomed
Correct your spelling
accustomed
 to
change
Use synonyms
. Working in a new environment with
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 set of
collague
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 can lead to a compulsion to
change
Use synonyms
 the working pattern.
Additionally
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, it can
also
Linking Words
 demand following rules or
work
Use synonyms
 ethics the indivdual which can make the individual uncomfortable.
Moreover
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,
this
Linking Words
 approach can help
indivduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 in advancing their career rapidly.
This
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 is because working with
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 seniors for a longer duration will help them
asses
Use the right word
assess
show examples
 their
employee's
Check wording
employees'
show examples
 capabilities easily.
As a result
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, it can be
benficial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to get promoted to
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 position with consistent and focused efforts.
For example
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, Most of the companies prefer internal applications before opening
vacancy
Correct article usage
a vacancy
show examples
 for external applications for higher professional roles.
Nevertheless
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, there are several benefits of working at different workplaces. One of the notable reasons is growing networks. When
people
Use synonyms
 start working at a
place
Punctuation problem
place,
show examples
 they meet new
people
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 their acquaintances grow as the place of
work
Use synonyms
 changes.
As a result
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,
people
Use synonyms
 can improve their skills by establishing a bond with different individuals at
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
, and
also
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
 on strengthening their references in order to achieve progress in future job
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 method can offer better facilities. Many
people
Use synonyms
change
Use synonyms
 their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 because of the need for
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 working environment,
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 salary package
or
Punctuation problem
, or
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 even working with different teams.
For instance
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, many young individuals
work
Use synonyms
 at a firm to gain experience, and
then
Linking Words
change
Use synonyms
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
job which pays better. In conclusion, working at the same office/ organisation can offer several merits
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as comfort and easier access to career advancement.
However
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,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 the benefits
such
Linking Words
 as expansion
professional
Change preposition
of professional
show examples
 networks and improved
facilties
Correct your spelling
facilities
 that are linked to changing a workplace are far more advantageous.

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structure
Plan your essay: start with a short intro, then talk about both views, then give your own view. End with a short finish.
coherence
Make ideas flow with simple links: use and, but, also, for example, first, next.
grammar
Fix small grammar and spell mistakes: 'it is better' not 'it better'; 'indivdual' -> 'individual'.
content
Use clear examples and explain them in one or two lines.
content
The essay tries to discuss both sides and has a clear view at the end.
structure
There is an intro and a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • job security
  • career path
  • company culture
  • promotions
  • specific skills
  • diverse experiences
  • professional growth
  • career advancement
  • higher salaries
  • professional network
  • adaptability
  • problem-solving skills
  • versatile
  • job market
  • individual career goals
  • industry context
What to do next:
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