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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition totheir main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
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 admission study extra elective courses
in addition
Linking Words
 to their main
subjects
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.
In contrast
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, some argue that admission should focus on the main
subjects
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 to improve the
quality
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 of their studies. I believe
Correct word choice
that
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while
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 enlistment should improve their main courses, they should learn other
subjects
Use synonyms
 which can help them in life. On the
one
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 hand, I totally agree with learning extra
subjects
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 , which can help to develop the
quality
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 of the main courses.
Firstly
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, other
subjects
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 help
to
Change preposition
apply
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students to improve their
quality
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.
For instance
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, having knowledge of psychology or learn communication methods helps
people
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 to improve their awareness and
quality
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 of life.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Individuals are helped by other
syllabus
Fix the agreement mistake
syllabi
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 to face problems more easily.
For example
Linking Words
, provided that the bosses know about other skills in their work ,
such
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 as how to use the computer, it will help them to control the staff.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some individuals think students just learn the main subject and do not pay attention to extra activities. Focusing on
one
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 subject makes the students more professional than others, thereby getting a high score.
Furthermore
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,
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
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 attention to the main cursor not only increases the exam score but
also
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 offers them more job positions
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than
the
Use the right word
those
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one
Use synonyms
 who read other
subjects
Use synonyms
 with the main
one
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.
In contrast
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,
while
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 some
people
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 think learn other
subjects
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 bad effects on the main
one
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, most of the
time
Punctuation problem
time,
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 other
subjects
Use synonyms
 help
people
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 to be professional in their job.
For example
Linking Words
, the multilingual boss can communicate better than the boss who just knows about business. In conclusion, in my point of view,
people
Use synonyms
 should always be searching for a lot of things,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 helps to solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problems.
Conversely
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, paying attention to just
one
Use synonyms
 side has bad effects on the other side of life.

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task response
Intro not clear. Start with a simple plan: say what views you will discuss and your view at the end.
coherence
Keep a clear order: paragraph 1 discuss one side, paragraph 2 the other, paragraph 3 your view. Use linking words like First, Next, But, Also.
lexical
Use only common words. Short sentences help. Avoid long, hard words.
task response
Give simple, direct examples that fit the idea. Some examples here are not clear or on topic.
grammar
Check grammar: articles, verb form, plural, and subject-verb. Make one idea in one sentence.
task response
You try to show both sides and give your own view.
coherence
You use 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show two side.
lexical
There is a sense of topic and some examples about life skills.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • broaden
  • employability
  • interpersonal skills
  • mastery
  • academic standards
  • interdisciplinary
  • enriched learning experience
  • governmental processes
  • climate policy
  • efficient study habits
  • specialized skills
  • qualified practitioners
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