IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some People believe that job provide both income and for a social life, while others think that friend should be made outside of work. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that both income and social life could be provided by employment,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that
friends
Use synonyms
 should not be found in the workplace.
Although
Linking Words
 the former opinion may be beneficial for some
people
Use synonyms
, I believe that
friends
Use synonyms
 made outside of
work
Use synonyms
 may provide more longevity and are more likely to be there in times of need.
Work
Use synonyms
 can be considered a suitable place for both income and social life. As most modern jobs employ a 9am to 5pm model, many do not have the time or energy to seek out connections outside their immediate circles.
Therefore
Linking Words
, many might choose to seek friendships with colleagues or other employees of the same company.
However
Linking Words
, there might be rivalry or
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
show examples
 among everyone in the company. Some who are more competitive or easily jealous may choose to sabotage you by becoming your friend and leaking your secrets.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, once you
left
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
 the workplace
due to
Linking Words
 different circumstances, it might be hard to remain connected as your
friends
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
 may choose to
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
 other
people
Use synonyms
 around their circle. In my opinion, it is best to find
friends
Use synonyms
 outside of
work
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 it might
seemed
Wrong verb form
seem
show examples
 counter-intuitive to find time for each other in
this
Linking Words
 busy economy, these bonds are more likely to remain and may provide aid during
crisis
Correct article usage
a crisis
show examples
. Since friendships are not based on employment,
people
Use synonyms
 are less likely to ditch a friend
due to
Linking Words
 changing jobs or changing circumstances.
Furthermroe
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, since many
work
Use synonyms
 in
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 of jobs, they are less likely to view you as competition and would not undermine you for their own gain.
In addition
Linking Words
, having
friends
Use synonyms
 in different fields may be beneficial as those companions may have different connections and other
acquitances
Correct your spelling
acquaintances
 that might
able
Verb problem
be able
show examples
 to aid you during difficult circumstances. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
workplace based
Use the right word
workplace-based
show examples
friends
Use synonyms
 may be easier and less
time consuming
Use the right word
time-consuming
show examples
, I believe that having
friends
Use synonyms
 not based around employment
provideda
Correct your spelling
provides
safer
Correct article usage
a safer
show examples
, more
long lasting
Use the right word
long-lasting
show examples
 impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
everyones
Check wording
everyone's
show examples
 life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Be clear on your view in the intro and end. Say a main idea for each part and add a short real life or common example.
coherence
Make each part start with a simple line that shows its aim. Use linking words like also, but, and for example to connect ideas.
grammar
Check your grammar and spelling. Use clean form in each sentence and fix common mistakes.
lexicon
Use only easy words. Do not use hard words which are not in the top 100.
structure
The writer shows a clear view and has a final point.
content
The essay tries to show both sides of the idea.
structure
The idea that friends not at work can last longer is started.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: