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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the chart shows infor in 3 different groups of leisure actitvities (cinema, arts, sports) the results show the percentage of people who attended each type of event based on their level of education

The bar chart illustrated below demonstrates specific data regarding three different types of leisure
activities
Use synonyms
 and the percentage of individuals who attended them, categorised by their level of educational achievement. At first hand, it can be observed that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the number of people attending the
activities
Use synonyms
 of arts and
cinema
Use synonyms
 is relatively higher
in contrast
Linking Words
 with sport.
In addition
Linking Words
,
cinema
Use synonyms
 seems to concentrate the majority of people, especially teenagers until the age of 16, who, contrary to the other two
activities
Use synonyms
, seem to be less engaged with. To be more specific, arts and
cinema
Use synonyms
 have an active attendance of around 65% from University
students
Use synonyms
 and secondary education
students
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, respectively.
Cinema
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, seems to gather the most attendance amongst all other
activities
Use synonyms
, since University
students
Use synonyms
 make up around 70% of the population participating. It is
also
Linking Words
 worth mentioning that film has been popular amongst secondary education individuals , contrary to the other two
activities
Use synonyms
. Indeed, the aforementioned gathers 60%, the largest amount seen in
this
Linking Words
 graph,
while
Linking Words
 their participation in the latter
activities
Use synonyms
 is mild and falls under 40%.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, the participation in sports events roughly gathers more than 40% of attendance amongst all categories of
students
Use synonyms
, being a bit more popular with secondary education adults,
while
Linking Words
 university
students
Use synonyms
 fall slightly behind. All in all, the diagram clearly indicates that
cinema
Use synonyms
 is the most popular activity among
students
Use synonyms
 from age 16 and above,
reaches
Wrong verb form
reaching
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 and
intrigues
Verb problem
attracting
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 all types of educational
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
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,
while
Linking Words
 arts follow in second place, with less popularity among
students
Use synonyms
 until the age of 16.
Finally
Linking Words
, sports come
last
Linking Words
 with a clear difference in the percentage of people attending them.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, cinema, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "falls" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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