Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is an ongoing debate regarding
acceptance
Correct article usage
the acceptance
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of negative happenings in our everyday lives. A group of individuals believe that it is okay to leave
such
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conditions as they are.
However
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, others claim that it is better
an
Correct word choice
if an
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improvement is made when it occurs,
such
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as financial difficulties or poor work satisfaction.
Therefore
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, ahead of my opinion, both views will be discussed
further
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. Examining the former stance, the primary argument the supporters would put forward is that
,
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apply
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everything happens
according to
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the will of God.
This
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is because, no matter how hard people try to lead their lives, anything
that is
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ordained by the Almighty will come to pass.
For example
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, those who are religious tend to accept their fate in terms of their finances because they believe life is not about money.
In addition
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, they are of the view that even though they do not have wealth, God has blessed them with good health.
On the contrary
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, those in favour of the latter
view point
Use the right word
viewpoint
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have their own arguments.
To begin
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with, they claim that individuals are expected to improve upon plights which bring them dissatisfaction.
For instance
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, graduates are encouraged to keep applying for job opportunities they prefer rather than staying unemployed.
Moreover
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, workers who are dissatisfied with their current jobs are always advised to continue applying for better work opportunities
instead
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of staying in a
poor
Replace the word
poorly
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paying work environment.
To conclude
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and clarify my stance, there are convincing reasons both for and against the difficult stages in life.
Nonetheless
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, I certainly favour the latter opinion.

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task
Your answer covers both sides and gives your view, but give more clear reasons for each idea and add more good details.
coherence
Use a smoother flow between ideas. Use linking words like also, but, for example, and after that. Start each paragraph with a clear idea sentence.
language
Choose simple words only and fix awkward phrases. Some phrases are hard to understand. Rewrite them with plain language.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling so the point is clear and easy.
structure
You show two sides and a clear own view.
content
There are some good ideas that show you can argue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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