IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The line graph shows how much money overseas visitors spent in the UK from 1980 - 2010 and the pie charts show the reasons for their visits in 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Money spend in the UK by overseas visitors Reasons for visit

The line graph illustrates the
amount
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 spent by overseas visitors in the UK between 1980 and 2010,
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart depicts the reason why they visits in the same
year
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that, despite some fluctuations in the amounts,
money
Use synonyms
 spent continued to
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 from the first
year
Use synonyms
 to the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, the largest proportion of
money
Use synonyms
 was used on holidays
Linking Words
according
Punctuation problem
, according
show examples
 to the pie chart.
To begin
Linking Words
, in 1980,
money
Use synonyms
 spent
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overseas stood at 8000
million
Use synonyms
 pounds, the
amount
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 declined within the next two years and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 a low of about 6800
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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 £.
Next,
Linking Words
the
amount
Use synonyms
gradually
Verb problem
will gradually
show examples
in
Verb problem
increase in
show examples
 the next five years to more than 9000
million
Use synonyms
 £. 1985 to 1990 witnessed some fluctuations. Again, there was a dramatic increase in 1995
reaching
Punctuation problem
, reaching
show examples
 a high of 12000
million
Use synonyms
£.
Finally
Linking Words
, the number
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 to 9500
million
Use synonyms
 between 2000 and
2005
Punctuation problem
2005,
show examples
 it plummeted and declined again to approximately 10,700
million
Use synonyms
 in the final
year
Use synonyms
. In the pie chart, the largest proportion of
money
Use synonyms
 was spent on holidays, representing more
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
two- fifth
Use the right word
two-fifths
show examples
 in 1980 and close to
two- fith
Correct your spelling
two-fifths
 in 2010. The second largest proportion was allocated for business
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 represents about
one- fith
Correct your spelling
one-fifth
 of the total. Less
money
Use synonyms
 was spent
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 visiting friends and relatives. The remaining
amount
Use synonyms
 was used
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 other important activities.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the ninth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, money, year, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the ninth paragraph.
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