IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think it is more important to develop a successful career while ‎others think it is more important to spend time with friends and family. ‎Discuss both sides and give your opinion.‎

Nowadays, some individuals believe that
career
Use synonyms
 development is important to gain a wealthy
life
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that family and
relative
Fix the agreement mistake
relatives
show examples
 are important to obtain a peaceful
life
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 Essay, I will discuss both viewpoints and give my personal opinions. First of all, someone who
pursue
Correct subject-verb agreement
pursues
show examples
 a valuable
career
Use synonyms
 is beneficial for their
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 stability. A person with a good
career
Use synonyms
 at the company or institution normally
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a good salary because of their
performances
Fix the agreement mistake
performance
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, they can afford a brand new car for
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
, or even a house as a place for living with family.
For example
Linking Words
, a CEO can buy a private jet
for traveling
Change preposition
to travel
show examples
 to other countries with family effortlessly.
In addition
Linking Words
, they
Linking Words
also can
Correct word order
can also
show examples
 purchase some luxurious
item
Fix the agreement mistake
items
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
 or
laptop
Correct article usage
a laptop
show examples
to
Punctuation problem
, to
show examples
 support his or her
career
Use synonyms
further
Linking Words
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, family is
source
Correct article usage
a source
show examples
 of happiness for some individuals. A wife or a husband is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 greatest support system to enjoy the daily moment.
Although
Linking Words
 the option to
Use synonyms
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
 with family has some disadvantages in economic
life
Use synonyms
, it can bring happiness and peacefulness.
For example
Linking Words
, a man who
choose
Correct subject-verb agreement
chooses
show examples
 to enjoy his
life
Use synonyms
 with family can travel around the world to increase his experiences and beautiful moments with his family. In reality, there are many people who choose to live with their family because they want to build
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
numerous memorable moments and happiness. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
Use synonyms
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 can lead to a
wealhty
Correct your spelling
wealthy
life
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some people, family is irreplaceable to make a daily moment better.

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improvement
Add more clear facts and simple examples to back each idea.
language
Fix bad word use and grammar, keep short, plain sent.
structure
Make each paragraph focus on one main point and use clear linking words to move on.
balance
You show both sides and share your view at the end.
structure
The essay has a clear form with introduction, body, and conclusion.
content
You use examples to show points.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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