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Band 6.5

the charts gives the information about two ggenre of tv shows watched by men and women and 4 diferent age groups in australia. the charts gives the information about two ggenre of tv shows watched by men and women and 4 diferent age groups in australia.

The first
bar
Use synonyms
 graph provides the proportion of crowd watching reality shows,
while
Linking Words
 the second
bar
Use synonyms
 graph
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 the percentage of gaming show watchers between male and female
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
show examples
 with
age
Use synonyms
 groups of 16-24, 25-34, 35-44 and above 45 .
Overall
Linking Words
, reality shows are watched by women more than men
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
 is true for game watchers. People over 45 years of
age
Use synonyms
 tend to have more spectators of both kinds of programmes
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 than any other
age
Use synonyms
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 the first
bar
Use synonyms
 chart, almost twice the population of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 watch reality TV programmes as compared to the male portion. Teenagers and young adults are
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 interested in these
shows
Punctuation problem
shows,
show examples
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
 for a little above 50%
whereas
Linking Words
, older
age
Use synonyms
 group of 45 and above comprise
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the majority of them
Punctuation problem
, compilling
show examples
compilling
Correct your spelling
accounting
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a little short of 70%. In accordance with the second
bar
Use synonyms
 chart,
although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 only by a margin of about 2%, boys are more prone to watching gaming
programes
Correct your spelling
programmes
 than girls, standing at approximately 62% and 60%, respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, about 70% the
age
Use synonyms
 group of viewers are that of
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
 generation,
while
Linking Words
 that of the
age
Use synonyms
25
Check wording
group 25
show examples
-34
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 just a little more than half of that number.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words bar, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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