IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Research shows that some activities are good for health and others are bad.Despite knowing that millions of people engage in unhealthy activites. What is the cause of this? What can be done?

Numerous studies reveal that many people are willing to participate
unhealthy
Change preposition
in unhealthy
show examples
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the causes of
this
Linking Words
 trend and what remedies we can take.
To begin
Linking Words
, increasingly
indivdiuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 are affected by peer pressures and social media. To illustrate, a great deal of news
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 reported that a considerable number of teenagers mimic dangerous behaviours from TikTok. The youth
jumps
Correct subject-verb agreement
jump
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cross
Use the right word
across
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 train rails, but
this
Linking Words
 leads them to suffer from serious injuries, or even
died
Wrong verb form
die
show examples
, because they are influenced by social media and
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
peer
Fix the agreement mistake
peers
show examples
. Most younger people pursue
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of achievement on the internet, but they omit the consequences of these activities.
As a result
Linking Words
, the younger generation
attemps
Correct your spelling
attempts
 to engage in hazardous events in spite of recognising inappropriate actions. In response to
above
Correct article usage
the above
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 reasons mentioned, governments and parents should build up
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
correct
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
 and educate the risks of
unsituable
Correct your spelling
unsuitable
 behaviours to the teen.
For instance
Linking Words
, the authorities should hold various events to explain how
construct
Verb problem
to construct
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 your own self-confidence and self-esteem by
yourselves
Replace the word
yourself
show examples
 rather than achieve a high rate of views on social media. Meanwhile, parents are able to support their own children
to develop
Change preposition
in developing
show examples
 healthy habits.
Consequently
Linking Words
, success should be based on your
self-achieve
Use the right word
self-achievement
show examples
 and self-acceptance
instead
Linking Words
 of the hit rate on the internet. In conclusion, the teen is susceptible and vulnerable on the internet
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Therefore
Linking Words
, they are always convinced to engage in unhealthy activities
for receiving
Change preposition
to receive
show examples
honor
Change the spelling
honour
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 and
praises
Fix the agreement mistake
praise
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 from strangers. Regarding teenager protection, the government assist
to raise
Change preposition
in raising
show examples
 the self-confidence among younger people by holding campaigns. At the same
, parental
Check wording
time, parental
show examples
 aid
also
Linking Words
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 a vital role in
Correct article usage
the contrustion
show examples
contrustion
Correct your spelling
construction
 of correct
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
 to teenagers.

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structure
Put one clear main idea in each paragraph and use simple words to link ideas so the talk flows.
language
Fix big grammar and word choice so the meaning is clear.
structure
Add a short, clear intro and a closing line that fit the task.
content
Give more real examples or facts to show cause and how we fix it.
language
Use only common words and avoid hard terms.
idea
The topic is good and the talk of cause and fix is seen.
planning
There is a plan to help teens with confidence and safe acts.
structure
Some links are easy to read and some ideas are easy to get.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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