IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The chart gives information about the hours and purposes of trips made by men and women in one year in a certain European country.

The bar chart
illustate
Correct your spelling
illustrates
 the
time
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spent on different purposes by females and males of the European country annually.
Overall
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 allocated the most
time
Use synonyms
 to commuting to work,
whereas
Linking Words
 day trips accounted for the least
time
Use synonyms
 for both genders. In detail,
Travelling
Fix capitalization
travelling
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work was dominant
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it made up 330 and 210,
repectively
Correct your spelling
respectively
. Whilst
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the proportion of shopping represents a significant
vast
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
amount of
time
Use synonyms
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
women allocated their
time
Use synonyms
 for shopping more than
men
Use synonyms
 did, 270 and 180
hours
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
female
Correct article usage
the female
show examples
 group constituted
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
210
hours
Use synonyms
, in terms of meeting friends,
while
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 with a dramatic difference, were less
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 190
hours
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
day
Correct article usage
the day
show examples
 trip was spent in a lower figure
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 accounted for 40
hours
Use synonyms
 of
trip
Correct article usage
the trip
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 women recorded 30
hours
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, men, hours with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: