IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The amount of sales in four different types of
games
Use synonyms
 in the years between 2000 to 2006
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 shown in the graph.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the number of handheld
games
Use synonyms
 was slightly increased, the sales of console
games
Use synonyms
 decreased.
To begin
Linking Words
 with. Online
games
Use synonyms
 were established in 2001
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 began with 1
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
They
show examples
 grew in 2002 to reach 2
billion
Use synonyms
,
Correct word order
and it
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 continued to rise in the following years until
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 became 9
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2006.
However
Linking Words
, mobile phone
games
Use synonyms
 were founded in 2002
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it started with 1
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
, it
Punctuation problem
. It
show examples
 started growing in 2003 to around 3
billion
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, until
show examples
until
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 it reached 7
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2006.
In contrast
Linking Words
. The number of handheld
games
Use synonyms
 has the biggest sales, it started with 11
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2000 and continued to grow until it became 18
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2006.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, console
games
Use synonyms
 began with 6
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2000
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it dropped over the years until it reached 3
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2006.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words games, billion, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 3 times.
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