IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status

The given bar chart illustrates the amount of time spent on leisure activities among males and females based on their job status.
Overall
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 men place a high value on spare-time activities, none of which worked in some
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
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, like part-time employment and housewives.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, unemployed and retired females and males enjoyed their leisure time much more compared to other categories, just over 80
hours
Use synonyms
 and just under 70
hours
Use synonyms
, respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, both genders who were employed in full-time occupations spend around 38 to 42
hours
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their free time. Surprisingly,
while
Linking Words
 there were no men who worked as housewives and part-time employees, another gender was interested in working as housewives around 50
hours
Use synonyms
, which was 10
hours
Use synonyms
 higher compared to part-time employees among women.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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