IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The line graph shows the information average number of visitors entering a museum in summer and winter in 2003. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The presented line chart gives data on the number of individuals in the UK visiting a museum in
2003
Punctuation problem
2003,
show examples
 around
winter
Use synonyms
 and summer time.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is apparent that
visitors
Use synonyms
 entered the museum much more in summer throughout
Use synonyms
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to
winter
Use synonyms
. As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be seen, in 1200 the number of
people
Use synonyms
 rocketed to roughly 1400.
However
Linking Words
, despite the dramatic increase in
visitors
Use synonyms
 from year 0 to 1200, the following
years
Use synonyms
 experienced a gradual decrease. As is observed, there’s a sharp drop from 1600 to 1800, leaving the
visitors
Use synonyms
 to about 150
people
Use synonyms
. As for the
winter
Use synonyms
visitors
Use synonyms
, the chart presents more changes in numbers. A swift rise to 580
people
Use synonyms
 visiting the museum in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cold weather in the year 1000 is seen.
Although
Linking Words
 during the following 200
years
Use synonyms
, there were rapid changes. From 1200 until 1400,
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of said
visitors
Use synonyms
 is reduced sharply
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 in the next
Use synonyms
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
 there are
zero
Correct determiner usage
no
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 entering these museums in
winter
Use synonyms
.

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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words winter, visitors, years, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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