IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that getting a degree from university is the best way to secure a good job. Others believe that employers value work experience more than a university degree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

There is an ongoing debate about the appropriate ways to secure a good
job
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.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
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 believe that employers value hands-on
experience
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 over
education
Use synonyms
, others claim that obtaining
academic
Correct article usage
an academic
show examples
 qualification is crucial to secure
jobs
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I firmly agree with the latter view because a formal
degree
Use synonyms
 provides an opportunity to obtain
Jobs
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 with
high-income
Use the right word
high income
show examples
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This
Punctuation problem
. This
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 essay will discuss both sides and my opinion in detail with relevant examples.
Firstly
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, employers often value relevant
work
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experience
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 over
education
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. Owing to
this
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, certain
job
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 prospects
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 in vocational fields, having
a
Correct article usage
apply
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real-
Use the right word
real-world
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work
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experience
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 is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an asset rather than having
a
Correct article usage
an
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 academic
degree
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.
Furthermore
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,
being
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in
this
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 competitive world, landing your first
job
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 is a struggle without
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real-world
experience
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.
However
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,
this
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 is required in specific
work
Use synonyms
 environments like industries or factories where
people
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 often engage in
work
Use synonyms
 that provides low compensation.
On the other hand
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, obtaining a
university
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degree
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 enables
people
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 to secure
jobs
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 with
high-income
Use the right word
high incomes
show examples
.
This
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 is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 obtaining a
degree
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 is already proof that candidates are able to rise
though
Use the right word
through
show examples
 their ranks, and
such
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 graduates are trusted with responsible roles.
As a result
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, they end up securing
jobs
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 with high salaries from the outset.
For instance
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, doctors and teachers often spend a great deal of money
in
Change preposition
on
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 studies, and
then
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 often attend professional
trainings
Fix the agreement mistake
training
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 to provide indispensable services.
Hence
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,
university
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education
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 is imperative if
jobs
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are involved
Wrong verb form
involve
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
detailed subject knowledge. 
To sum up
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,
although
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 some
people
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 think that
work
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experience
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 is more important than
university
Use synonyms
education
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, it is evident that the academic
degree
Use synonyms
 often helps to secure high-income
jobs
Use synonyms
 because of the skills and knowledge gained through the course of
education
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 and
trainings
Fix the agreement mistake
training
show examples
. In my opinion, I certainly agree that earning a
university
Use synonyms
degree
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 is important to secure a
job
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 with
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 salary.

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grammar
Fix small grammar and make sentences short and clear.
content
Give stronger and clearer reasons for each idea and add one good example.
structure
Use a clear plan: one paragraph for each view and a short ending with your own view.
vocabulary
Keep words from the simple 100 most used words; avoid big words.
content
The essay looks at both sides and gives an aim to the final view.
structure
Links like first, on the other hand guide the reader through the ideas.
conclusion
A clear opinion is given at the end.
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