IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academicallyAs a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such asphysicaleducation and cookery, should be removed from the schoolsyllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, young people are suffering from the pressure of academic studies in order to pursue higher grades.
Therefore
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, some people argue that
subjects
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unrelevant
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unrelated
with
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to
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 academic learning should be deleted from school courses so that
students
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 can focus more on academic work. From my point of view, I disagree with the opinion that non-academic
subjects
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 should be removed, as it causes
problem
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problems
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 both in
short
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the short
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term
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 and
long
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the long
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term
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. The main reason that I believe non-academic
subjects
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 shouldn’t be given up by
school
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schools
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 is that
,
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apply
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canceling
Change the spelling
cancelling
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 these
subjects
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 may exacerbate the
stress
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 for
students
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 in the short
term
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. Participating in non-academic
subjects
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 distracts
students
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’ worry about tests and grades temporarily, contributing to healthier mental and physical
condition
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conditions
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.
For example
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,
students
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 are able to relieve their
stress
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 and anxiety in P.E. class
via
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by
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 doing exercises.
However
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, if
this
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 opportunity is deprived, the excessive
stress
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 may significantly increase the risk of mental
disorder
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disorders
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 among children. The overlook
on
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of
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 non-academic
subjects
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 may limit the
development
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 of
students
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 by narrowing their career
choice
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choices
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 in the long run. Not every student
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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competence
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competent
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 in academic
development
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due to
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 the diversity of different individuals.
This
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 means that numerous
students
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 need the opportunities provided by non-academic
subjects
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 in order to find their own potential in career
development
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. Once these courses are
canceled
Change the spelling
cancelled
show examples
,
students
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 will have no choice but only stick to academic studies, posing a serious threat to well-rounded
development
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 for
students
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. In conclusion, removing non-academic classes from
school
Correct article usage
the school
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 schedule can result in higher
stress
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level
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levels
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 in the short
term
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 and
also
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 limit future
development
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 for
students
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.
Consequently
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,
canceling
Change the spelling
cancelling
show examples
 non-academic courses is not an effective way of addressing
students
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’ pressure.

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task
Be clear in the first line that you hold a view. State yes or no.
task
Plan your essay with a short view and two main points in the intro, then restate them in the end.
language
Keep short sentences. Try one idea per line to make sense.
structure
Give one simple, clear example for each idea to back up your point.
task
The essay keeps a steady view and follows it.
coherence
Link words like However and For example help flow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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