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Writing Samples
Band 4

The pie chart below shows the main causes of worldwide land degradation, while the table illustrates how these causes affect three different regions. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart demonstrates the causes of land degradation
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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at
Change preposition
apply
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the second causes in three regions: North America, Europe and Oceania.
Overall
Linking Words
, the pie chart shows three main problems of land degradation. In the regions
suffered
Correct pronoun usage
that suffered
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 the most
Europe
Punctuation problem
, Europe
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 and the
less
Replace the word
least
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 was North America. Meanwhile, in
Oceania
Add a comma
Oceania,
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 the
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
 did not
suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
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 at all. The pie chart demonstrates that the main problem was over-grazing with 35%. Deforestation ( 30% ) ranked in the second place,
then
Linking Words
with
Change preposition
by
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 a less percentage was
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
 (28%). Other reasons were not a great as these with 7%. Turning to the table, totally Europe suffered the most with 23%.
The&nbsp
Correct your spelling
The
;
Punctuation problem
apply
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main
Check wording
cause
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was
from
Change preposition
apply
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deforestation (9.8%),
then
Linking Words
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
 (7.7%) and over-grazing (5.5%). Oceania suffered mostly from over-grazing (11.3%).
While
Linking Words
 they did not
experienced
Wrong verb form
experience
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over-cultivation
Use synonyms
. North America has the smallest figure in all three countries
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 5% total. The smallest percentage was in deforestation with 0.2%,
while
Linking Words
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
 and over-grazing were 3.3 and 1.5 respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words over-cultivation with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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